A Post About A Boy

Feeling A Little: Confused
Playing A Little: Hummingbird by Never Shout Never
Recommending A Little: Audio/Rocketry (Upbeat and I like it. :D)

So there is this guy. (Surprised?) I kind of am and he isn't exactly a person I'd lay up at night thinking about. I mean he isn't atrociously ugly... not that I've stared at him enough to come up with a solid opinion... he could be stunningly attractive and I'll die at the sight of his handsomeness... but I just haven't looked until now. I suppose he is sort of my type of guy too, smart, funny... nerdy? And I think he likes me (which led to me thinking about him).

I hate to say that people like me which is why I denied it this long. But today in class he stuttered when he talked to me and could barely look at me. Perhaps I became hideously ugly over the weekend and just didn't notice.... no one has alerted me so (and Justine definitely would or Ryan...). Or perhaps I am making these things up. Although he did get me in trouble with my Physics teacher and he doesn't do it to Justine. Perhaps he hates me instead. ;)

I'm not sure but perhaps my interest in him is more curiosity about whether he does actually like me. I mean I do sort of want it to be true so I can actually be normal and date. Haha. My sister is getting to me. :P He's sweet though and I could date a grade 11 I suppose. Now to get him to not be a stuttering boy around me. :D Maybe I'll invite him to what is quickly becoming a random people group going to Toy Story. I mean Sacha? I never expect him to want to go, never mind with Justine and I.

Any who I am sure you're all like. WHAT THE FUCK!? I know its been a month. :D I'm awful but these are going to be sporadic and probably me moaning about boys and life. As always. I'll try to at least update every 2 weeks, haha. Life is insane and I'm back with my BFF psychologist so who knows. Maybe I'll need one for the rest of my life. Good god that is going to get expensive.

Until the Next Song,
Zoë

Chillin' Like A Villian For A Year Instead Of Education

Feeling A Little: Stressed
Playing A Little: Parking Lot Romance by A Day Away
Recommending A Little: Love Drunk (New CD from Boys Like Girls. I love it)

OMG two weeks I know. What were you doing with your lives without me? :P Probably not wasting 10 minutes of your life. I bug Justine to update and then she starts and I stop. I do have an excuse though and another post. :D My internet was down. Stupid Telus. A week without internet. I think a part of me actually died a little inside. :( But its back and I'm not doing Social to write this. :D Oh yeah I'm taking that by correspondence now, I did an assignment though so I think that should be enough. (I built a webpage, what a hardship.)

This is entirely Justine's fault. I was ranting about how there was no hot new guy in Physics and then I was forced to admit that perhaps maybe Clinton was attractive. Now that manifested. So I facebook stalked him (not ashamed its me. :P) and he's single compared to me thinking he was dating someone. Now sure facebook doesn't tell all but girls are scary and I think 6+ months into the relationship such should change. Perhaps I need to do some personal stalking. God. I'm fucking creepy. I need to work on this. I suppose I should just be content with sharing protractors. But I'm not, he's tall, funny and attractive and I want him. If I can't get my fantasy guys then why can't I get the attractive one who sits in front of me... (A: Because I'm Zoe Vatter I can't be that lucky)

Ah! I just got my social textbook. I'm going to throw myself into this course to get it done. I will get it done and graduate. Sure the sims doesn't help but I had done an assignment and taken notes. :D If need be I'll assign myself homework or spend all day Sunday doing it. I'm fucking graduating. I will. Plus really if I don't get done by January there is oddly a diploma in April. Weird right? But it maybe because of this weird restructuring of Albertan high schools.

I'm being so creepily overly organized these days. I have so much going on I don't want to forget anything. Like I have when my university applications open in my agenda. Definitely do not want to forget to apply for that. :D I'd be fucked. Oddly enough I've started to consider not going to university... I think its all too much for me now... Perhaps I'll do Katimavik. It looks like an interesting year off. We'll see what Garret says. :D

Until the Next Song,
Zoë

Don't Add Random People On MSN That Add You

Feeling A Little: At Capacity
Playing A Little: Songs About You by Lena Gabrielle
Recommending A Little: Owl City (Do it. I love him)

So I was MSN and this guy added me. Obviously because I was on drugs I added him. Bad idea. He wanted sex. Not surprising but I played along. Bad idea again. I ended up blocking him when he started planning the rape of me. That was terrible. Lincoln found it hilarious because they weren't serious but seriously no. Not exactly something you want to think of especially with a creepy boy in Calgary that I have no clue who he is.

I am now organizing a Quiddich match. It'll be amazing I am sure. With Justine. Yeah the Justine, from... well read old blog posts they are terrible enough. I'm a little scared to read them again. I was crazy beans and I feel like I took a deep breath and was like "no" and reprimanded myself. Either that or I grew up, but that could never be. :P Actually it feels like we hit a terrible bump in our relationship (It was like my sister's bump that BENT my front wheel of my bike). I always feel weird because literally our relationship is like that of a couple (sans the romance. I'm sorry Justine but I do NOT want to make out with you.) But I'm actually (that word makes the best intentions sound TERRIBLE) very happy that we are back to something closer to what we had. I was fucking nuts I'm happy I sorted it out.

Now time to send it all crashing down! *evil laugh* Just kidding. Or am I? I think I am. Or I hope I am. I'm am going to be so busy its insane but I'll work it out. hopefully. Plus I've gotten so uber organized I hopefully won't forget things.

Until the Next Song,
Zoë

Bitchin' Zoe and OMGing

Feeling A Little: Happy. :)
Playing A Little: Punk Rock Princess by Something Corporate
Recommending A Little: Ten Second Epic

"I want to do you on the kitchen table." Seriously I do. Even if you are terrible like Mr. Darcy and a huge asshole only to turn around and not be. I don't understand the appeal of old romances. But on that topic I think I am a teenage boy. Or maybe girls are just like teenage boys but we keep it under lock. I just have this crazy desire to have sex. Like badly. I suppose that is called horny but I don't like it because half the time I am like "Go.... aw no boy" then the other half of the time I am like "No. Gawd no one wants to look at me." And I do my body image hating thing, usually sans the gawd because I don't say that.

Oh on boys... :( No super hot new boy in my Physics class to sweep me off my feet. We were told to talk to lonely people and I did not because there were no super hot new boys to console in their loneliness. In fact no super hot boys in any of my classes. I mean I'd even take one in Social but I did the scope and nope. :( So single for another year. I enjoy the fact that I plan out my singledom. I suppose perhaps if a nice, doesn't even have to be super hot, funny guy asked me out or I happened to crush on one and it worked out but I've decided to be okay with the fact I am now single and shall be for another year... or more. I'll just jump the first single guy I see in university. He won't mind I am sure.

On university. *sigh* MONEY. Fuck it I say. I'll go work on the street if I have to. I'll sell all my books on eBay.... Hmm never actually thought of that. I should as I do need the money badly and I'm sure to have at least a $1000 worth of books. Sell my DVDs. Good god I am going to sell everything if I have to. Then take up another job. I will. I'll work everyday of the week if I have to. I am going to god damn Nova Scotia. I know crazy far away but right now its seems appealing and its just a little more expensive (Just for flight costs). OR Kingston Ontario because my lover just came on.

OMG. So I kind of was in the middle of my blog when this happened... And you needed to know that badly. :P HE CAME ONLINE! 3 weeks and before that one night after 2 weeks. He's been dying apparently, so I'm pleased he is alive. He makes me feel... exceedingly naughty but also... stupidly girl and giggly. I like it. I like him. *rubs hands together* Time for an X rated chat. :P He makes me smile and so I'm happy. And I can't OMGing. Its nice to talk to him again. :D

So off of boys school... Its awesome actually. I love 3/4 classes. The fourth I've decided to be the little hell child I was in English 10 because I hate my teacher. I'm actually really excited. I mean seriously she is so stupid its not even funny so I'm excited to argue because excuse me for some cockiness but I rock in social. Especially this crap that we are doing. Thank you daddy. Its what I get from arguing with my dad and talking to him (the news or BNN is always in the background). So I'm not going to talk any crap and argue at every turn and ignore all etiquette for class. Get ready because she arrives tomorrow. :D

So today rocked my socks actually a lot. I loved it. This year is going to go by so quickly and 2 weeks until I can start my university applications. :D So lets do this shit. Get another job lickity split and get some $$$. I'm going to do this whether my father thinks I can or not. I don't care if I have to get only 4 hours asleep at night. I gave up on one of my big dreams I'm not going to give up on this one.

Until the Next Song,
Zoë

Needed: Boy To Snog and Shag ;)

Feeling A Little: Alone
Playing A Little: Kiss The Girl by Ashley Tisdale (Haha yeah I love Disneymania CDs)
Recommending A Little: The Craving (I do adore Hugh Mitchell)

I was watching 10 Thing I Hate About You and there was a school dance and it made me sad. I mean I've been to one high school dance I ended up grinding with Lincoln much to my dismay. Seriously that was uncomfortable, mostly because it was awkward and my first time. Then there was the slow dance with Garret... :D Oh that was awkward just because neither one of us could do it. You think after 4 years of school taught dance I'd know where my hands go. I just don't do dances and sometimes I wish I did. I mean the dates, the dancing horribly together. I just kind of wish I was better with boys...

Sure I shouldn't worry but I do. I mean I feel awfully lame not having dated at all in high school. I've done a lot of other wonderful things but the romantic teenage girl in me just wants a date. I kind of don't want to be the prude virgin girl who has never been kissed in university. Not that I want to rush out and just have sex with any guy willing but I want to date. I want to explore that world. This mood will pass soon but right now I feel really really uncool and cliche-ly nerdy. I suppose I should be happy I haven't been subjected to the boys here. :D The good looking ones are jerks or taken, and the rest are ugly and covered in grease because their goal is the oil fields, or they are ugly, clean and stupid. Its my imagination wanting one thing to come true.

^ That is what I get when I watch a chick flick while PMSing. Terrible combination. Although I learnt that it is a good thing I didn't read Pride and Prejudice. Seriously I think it was Jane Eyre all over. I suppose Mr. Darcy is slightly more attractive than the Snape look alike. Haha I suppose I shouldn't insult him because I'm marrying Snope. I love that movie. Stardust. :P I was watching the movie with my sister and making jokes about Mr. Darcy wanting to do her on the kitchen table and it came true. Seriously end of the movie they were making out on a table (it was sweet because he did that "Mrs. Darcy *kiss*, Mrs. Darcy *kiss*" thing that I think is awfully romantic). I think I may just have a kitchen table fetish though. :P Is that even a fetish? I'll google it.

That was a very chick blog. :D I am allowed my moments though. I could go on to lament about how two of my friends are ditching me for everywhere in Canada but Alberta. :( But I won't because that will probably come in October when Garret leaves. That actually makes me very sad because we got to be very good friends in such a short time. Seriously I met him... 3ish months ago and it feels like so much longer. :D But I'll save it all for a special blog just for me complaining about being ditched.

Okay so away from my sob story of a love life. School is in less than a week. I'm starting to regret wanting it. I mean I'll have to work my ass off again. *sigh* Not excited. At least everything is spread out a bit though so I won't have all my sciences along with social in one semester. I suppose I'll just have to actually do homework this year. :D But I really wrote this blog to whine about my lack of love life so I'm going to end it. We can talk abut school another day.

Until the Next Song,
Zoë

Show Off The Ladies For Some $$$

Feeling A Little: Tired
Playing A Little: IDGAF by Blood on the Dance Floor and IDGAF by Breathe Carolina.
Recommending A Little: OMFG Sneak Peak! by Blood on the Dance Floor and Hello Fascination by Breathe Carolina (Both fricken awesome CDs.)

So I'm in trouble for not having enough money to eat... In 3 years time. I wasn't actually aware I had to plan that far ahead. Apparently since right now I don't have money because I just got a car, had to pay for food this summer and tried to make it my last awesome summer I'm going to starve in university. Frankly I spent $30 on groceries a week. I don't eat much. Crystal Light, chicken/salmon and some sort of vegetable and chicken stock and I am good. Sure its not the most healthy of diets but what are vitamins for. :P Plus I'm going to work throughout University. Its not like as soon as high school is done money stops coming in.

I'm going to work at Hooters of course. Show off the ladies for some money. ;) I'd make a few bucks I'm sure. I'm actually considering training in Home Health Care in my second semester because having that is A) Good for med school and B) I'd make more money doing next to nothing. Being nice to old people. I can do that. Although now I'm seriously considering being a waitress hard work I know but I get tips. Those can feed me. :P I'm not sure anymore.

Pretty soon I'm going to have a mini meltdown. One year away and my dad feels like reminding me every day that I have no money, that I need to save. I know that. But I'm also going to get scholarships. Its just too much pressure for me. I mean I have more bills added every month. This year might be easier to save though. I'm going to be uber nerd and just work a ton. I mean I need to. Coaching is easy though. Same mentality as last semester, push through and get it done. Once this semester is done its slack time. I mean no offense to Shoppers but its not a hard job. I usually get things done pretty quick, then slack.

Looking back though I'm kind of curious about what this year will bring. I mean I earned some amazing friends this year but lost a best friend. One of my worst fears. I grew up. I somewhat shook my super crazy Harry Potter obsession (still can tell you scary facts except I totally forgot Alicia's last name was Spinnet. Stupid me. :P). I changed a lot. I embraced me more, I learnt to grow up a bit and admit my mistakes. The past year was riddled with regrets but those were over powered by the amazing adventures I've had and the obstacles I have overcome. I feel like a fricken drug addict but 8 months now. :D 8 months since my last breakdown, since my last craziness (I mean the depression craziness I'll always be crazy.), since my last appointment. I'm allowed to be a little proud. :D

This year is going to be awesome whether it wants to or not. I will make it. It has no choice. :D Even if it sucks balls I'm still graduating so it'll rock regardless. Grad 2010. Hahaha I'm definitely the coolest kid on the BLOCK!

Until the Next Song,
Zoë

I Want To Have Your Babies

Feeling A Little: Serene
Playing A Little: The Best Note Ever by Captain Chaos
Recommending A Little: Anarbour

So. Two weeks huh. This is kind of it. Like for good. My last first day in this little city. That sounds bizarre but that's okay, I am allowed to be this happy. I mean this is it. The last September I'll walk through the halls. The last time I throw my books into those lockers for the first time. The last time I'm super lame like this. :P I'm just really excited because I got a glimpse of University this summer and realized I'm definitely not going to be disappointed when I do go.

:D Kay so little happy dance for me. I'm actually doing it, losing weight that is. I always am like I will this time but this time I am and you can tell. It kind of really boosted my confidence. Sure I'm not where I'd like to be or even remarkable close but I'm determined this year. Just so that at university I'm not worried about me above everything else. It makes me proud to say that I am, to have my pants not staying up. :D My friggen sisters help in the rudest way, "Did you lose weight in Edmonton? You look less round." It was one of those compliments reversed by an insult.

Urgh I want my school schedule so badly. I want to fix it and get my binders ready. Its actually slowly killing me. I have my post-its ready to be stuck on, dividers ready to go in... But I don't know what colour my binders should be (Now my classes have colours that I recognize for that class, Red- Physics, Blue- Chem, Black- English/ Social, Light Blue- Languages (Second semester French gets a new colour though)) I'm like slowly dying not being able to super organize. Its crazy I know.

Oh and I changed my undergrad again... Major-French, Minor- Latin, Summers- Med School prerecs. I figure I can get work better with two languages (well 3 but what person needs a doctor who speaks Latin?) and I really want to continue them and don't want to take a science degree. I've actually decided. Dr. Vatter. :D Or well whatever it is after 15 years of school. :P If its still Vatter I'd better get on it or at least start with having kids.

On the topic of children I realized I'd be the worst mother ever. I mean my dream for their education is to send them to the most stuffy conservative (not the political conservative *shudder*) private school where because of that they have to wear the worst uniforms ever and they will hate me for it in school but afterward will thank me... or not but I'll love them. :D I'm sure my hubby will agree... with a few threats ;) Aw... could you imagine little boys in little uniforms and ties in kindergarten/ grade 1? Just that would make it worthwhile. Oh and their names will be terrible too apparently. I think I need to change them though. I still like Dimitri but Dominick and Daemon might need a change. Although my girls will be Charlotte and Abigail that hasn't changed yet. :D I think I just added another child to my list... mon dieu. Only 4 max.

Well school, babies and me... thats about all that is on my mind. Now I'm going to clean because my room is a mess and bloody bugging me. Ugh.

Until the Next Song,
Zoë

Drunken Karaoke and Teaching the Next Generation

Feeling A Little: Bored...
Playing A Little: State to State by Goodnight Anthem

Recommending A Little: Shane Dawson (He makes music... I suppose. :P I love his videos check him out on YouTube)

I feel special now I have 3 people who care what I put on my blog. :D I'm movin' through the ranks. And soon I'm even going to have a vlog AND a website. Aren't I getting into this whole technology thing. I think its because I'm so bored I've taken to watch YouTube for hours and hours a day. But regardless I figure I'll try my hand at the web community. Who knows perhaps they will love me. Or not. Either way I'm sure it'll be fun.

So I'm going home on Saturday. Does not sound that far away which is exciting and saddening. I mean I had to say an awkward goodbye today. Its really hard to say goodbye to someone that you've only know for 6 weeks. I get a lot of "It was nice to meet you" Which sounds weird as I'm 16 and like it really mattered that you met me. Although it might be nice to have a real meal again. Last night I had salmon and chicken broth. I didn't feel like anything else apparently. Its my new diet, eat next to nothing. Works I suppose but I want food cooked for me and a dishwasher to wash my dishes. Oh the comforts of home. But with 4 days left I really don't want to have to bother with buying food I want. I need to get rid of this salmon before I leave.

Hmm it'll be weird to be back I am sure. I mean at home I can definitely do a lot more... and hopefully save more. I need to begin a saving spree. Goal $10,000. Likelihood of achieving goal: Next to none. But hopefully close. And even if I don't get $10,000 cash I would like that in scholarships. Helpful, very. I need to really buckle down and get some scholarships if I ever want to be able to pay for school. But hopefully I can do it. I will have my coaching money coming in and hopefully I can coach a little more than just Jaws.

I am actually SO excited for the school year to start. :D It'll be so much fun I am sure and especially if I get to coach again. As much as I hate that my hours got cut back at Shoppers it means I get to teach swimming again something that I always loved. The email is sent so I'm definitely coaching if they need any one. School is going to be awesome this year too. I'm going to make extra sure. :D Come on its my last year got to make sure its AMAZING.

Oh and part-ay on! I'm so psyched for my party. I'm going to see if we can have alcohol because I want to do some drunken karaoke and dance dance. Now that will be wonderful to see and I'll definitely make sure my camera is there so I may remember something. ;) Although Lincoln might be able to come which means I'd have to make sure to not get too drunk to be a gracious host. Hahaha hopefully my dad loves me enough to let me but who knows.

Now I'm going to get in trouble soon for not even pretending to work so I'm going to head off and do that. :D

Until the Next Song,

Zoë

Rock On All Summer Long

Feeling A Little: Emotional
Playing A Little: G-get up and dance by Faber Drive
Recommending A Little: All American Rejects and Fall Out Boy (LIVE! :D)

So I have a more normal blog if you want to check it out. www.nerdfighters.ning.com. Search for me I'm Zoe Vatter. :D Well it may not be more normal but its for more people to see so it may make more sense. Its nice to be back in an internet community so I'm having fun. Maybe I'll join the LeakyLounge again because it was a blast. :D I do enjoy social networks where I don't know people.

Oh god I've gotten scarily emotional today. I started sobbing when I was texting Lincoln... about him being famous. So not really sob worthy. I like randomly start crying today for no particular reason either. Pregnancy you know... ;) I knew I should have started birth control... haha. Seriously though if I'm pregnant death. Now any ways...In 10 years undeath. OMG! I'll actually be done med school by the time I'm 30. YES! Then I can have my babies before their risk of Downs is too bad. *Party*

But I'm hooome... at least for the weekend. :D Yay! Its not THAT exciting but its nice to be back in my own bed and see my dad and even my sisters again. Then Lincoln is coming tonight so who knows what trouble we'll get into. ;) I'm just excited to see him again. I do have to admit I missed him a little and may miss him a little more when he ditches for Victoria. :( I'm going to miss everyone... okay so two people but right now that's everyone to me.

I actually think I might miss Edmonton and even the U of A. Its kind of starting to feel like home. I have my routine and I'm becoming quite fond of grocery shopping. Sure my diet is terrible and in the first time in 5 weeks I ate red meat but I mean chicken is good for you, salmon is too just expensive... Sure I'm a loner and next to no one knows me. Which I suppose is just my mood this summer. I'm content with the friends I have and the dynamics I have so I've decided to just have the experience. Well I suppose that is wrong. My lab knows me and likes me I think. I'm learning about Indian culture which is awesome. Bollywood movies sound fantastic.

Its really been a rocking summer with concerts and lots of fun. I thought HYRS might wreck it because I mean working all summer... but its not. Its really fun and educational. I love working in the lab and doing stuff outside it is so much fun. I mean next Saturday I'm going to a karaoke party. That will be so funny. Although I really haven't made any good friends I think I will miss people. I'll make sure to at least do one stint at AHFMR as Dr. Vatter one day. :D

Until the Next Song,
Zoë

Have I Really Joined The Couple's Boat?

Feeling A Little: Confused... Very confused.
Playing A Little: I'm In Miami, Bitch by LMAO
Recommending A Little: Lauren Fairweather (She rocks my socks off.)

Okay... so I'm not single... I think I'm getting used to saying that....sort of. Its weird because its not like I have any proof to being taken. I mean my... I don't even know what to call him, Patrick because that is his name, lives across the country and we don't know what each other looks like... We definitely know about each other as 5 hours a night talking to each other will do that, well I suppose to a degree. I suppose one day we'll meet because I actually do want to now... Next summer because god knows I won't have time this year... Perhaps I can convince daddy to let me go off to Uni there earlier. ;)

I'm not confused over that... its the fact that I don't want to be in a relationship. I know I moan and bitch about wanting a boyfriend and all that shit but now I retract it all. I liked being single. I was cool with it... Now I am stuck with someone who lives across the country, who is so sweet but still, why couldn't it be at home... Haha maybe because its here. But I suppose I can live, not like I was expecting getting a boyfriend this year. Plus at least then when I go off to school I'll know someone.

I must admit though I let my imagination get carried away. Since I've embraced my unsingle status I've gone into fantasy land. Not like scary, we're going to get married and have children but more in depth into our house chat. Weird right talking about getting a house together, whatever I am safe over the internet. Plus I did my stalking he's real. I guess thinking about being in a relationship its nice... when you aren't across the country but 1 year. :D One year until my life really gets rolling. I think being able to look forward to him will help my year along. And talking to him... as random and geeky as he can be at times. I do make him out to be perfect but I know he's not as I can give many examples... but who is and right now he's perfect for me.

I've been reading a little bit on internet stuff and I love the comments. I feel like at little 14 year old girl with this "relationship." This one comment was like "There is no such thing as an "Internet Boyfriend". There is however someone who jacks off while you send him dirty E-Mail. Go see him at your own risk." That one makes me smile... because perhaps I like that thought. Plus should I ever meet him I'm not going there just for him. School hopefully. Queen's sounds amazing and the dorms are really nice so cross my fingers. My life may just turn around to be perfect after all!

Oh but I am psyched. Back to school in a month! Woo... I know nerd... but this is my LAST year. Like after this I could quit school if I wanted... not that I do because apparently doctors need schooling, weird right? :P But this year its Latin all year which makes me excited, perhaps not for the class but I do enjoy the language. And I'm back in French so hopefully I can get a few more DELFs done. If need be I can call up Garret and demand he let me practice my french... or find someone who speaks it fluently closer to home. :D Sounds like I'll be busy in school, Latin, French and preMed. Exciting. But a bilingual doctor will be helpful (Well trilingual but what person teaches their child Latin...)

So life is actually going pretty good. I have to do a few appointments when I get home but no big deal. Plus one of them may actually make my life better. ;)Oh god I really do hope I can meet Patrick in real life... After I gain some confidence and lose a little bit of weight and tone up. But that's my goal, and now I actually have someone to look good for. :D

Until the Next Song,
Zoë

I Think I'm In Love... with Ontario

Feeling A Little: In Love ♥
Playing A Little: I Hope You're Proud by Jamestown Story
Recommending A Little: Marianas Trench/ Stereos (They both rock live)

Okay okay I know terrible. Liking a guy who lives in Ontario. Even more terrible considering going to school in Ontario. But its like not even considering anymore. I'm too scared of Vancouver so I don't want to go to UBC as much anymore. Since I've decided to be a doctor I am looking at good med schools and Queen's is tied with UBC. Plus it'll be kind of nice to experience the other side of Canada. But I'm looking into Eastern schools because I want a change and a fresh start. Cambridge is kind of one of those things that I want to try for but if I fail I won't be too broken hearted.

Now to the boy. I'm torn... Like realistically I highly doubt it'll work/ last. Although we have gotten into some pretty deep responsible talks... Which its good to see that there is more than just sex in our "relationship." Its kind of nice to always have that person waiting... Sure I can be quite... wild online talking to him but still when we converse normally we seem to get along fine. He kind of lets me get out that otherside of me that stays hidden under a blush a lot of the time. Perhaps its just the fact that he lives across the country but I don't know I think I like him a bit... :P Well and he is so romantic its sweet... well until I ruin it with an innuendo. ;)

So far its been fun to be able to do what I want and whenever I want. Like tonight I get to go do... well I actually have no clue what we are doing. :D Wander Whyte Ave or something to that effect. Like on Tuesday I rocked out to Marianas Trench and Stereos that was a blast because I caught a random pikachu and that's how we found ourselves on the giant screen. It was so much fun and I touch Josh. Which was my first celebrity that I've ever touched. Its been a blast to be here.

I must say though at the beginning I thought this program would be a downer I mean in a lab all day working... And now... well I'm typing this at work. There really isn't much for me to do so I sit on a computer and amuse myself all day. Its pretty fun and sure I've learnt a lot and discovered where I want to go in life but its really been more me goofing off. :D Its been a more fantastic summer than I could have imagined stuck in GP or even off somewhere where my dad feels he should drag us to. I mean I totally got drunk again, even though I definitely was not trying, I got in at 3am when I had work at 8. I've gotten in usually at 12 most nights... Its so much fun.

Its nice having freedom... And I don't mind residence which leads me to my university rant again. AH! I am so excited. Like one more month and I can apply to university. It'll be a blast I mean once I've applied all I have to do is wait and then decided... which I've forced myself into a corner with. I always have my heart set on one university and now I've picked 3 so which one do I pick if I get into them all!? But I figure I'll get into one of them right. :P And I've decided to not be such a stuck up snob and to stay in residence. Its cool and so I could deal with it for a while... and of course if its that terrible and I'm at Queen's I could always act on that house idea he had. ;) Not that I'd mind christening it.... hahaha Sex addict me. :P

Until the Next Song,
Zoë

Enamored, Exams and Naked Boys

Feeling A Little: Mellow
Playing A Little: Brahsky (I Hate You) by The Maddigans
Recommending A Little: The Maddigans (And some partying with Aerial Underground)

This boy is driving me mad. I want him so badly but he is across the country. Why on earth does the only boy who takes an interest in me have to live in Ontario? Oh and he's English so uhhh I'm so weak in the knees whenever he says mate or brilliant. Why cruel world must you be even more cruel? I'd do anything for my crush back home to pay me the same attention. Sure he talks to me but do I get a "hot stuff" or a "sweet dreams, hun" when I sign on or off. No I get a "hi." and a "Bye" It just doesn't compare. We even do the corny <3 thing at the end of our conversations...

Argh and so I was like "I'm too lazy to do my SATs" so I didn't do them and just won't go to the US... but I WANT to go to the UK... guess what! More tests. I have to take my BioMedical Assesment Test (BMAT). This November. I'm making sure I have both my sciences then. They are like MCATs but not after a few years as an undergrad which I suppose is a blessing and a curse. Once I'm in I'm in but I also have to study my ass off. Like I need 110% to make up for my lacking grades... Oh why didn't I work in class... Because I'm a lazy ass. :P But I've kind of gotten psyched about it. Finally settling down and deciding on a career.

Then I am just a party animal... when I'm not lame at home. Seriously I went out and got drunk again. I was very responsible this time and handed my glasses and keys to Garret. A little confused about the keys seeing as we were out in the country. Then I spent too much time explaining why people called him Gary not Garret. Oh I love my drunken stories... I also like how he didn't mind. Which is sweet. :D Oh and naked men again! Haha I just see a lot of them apparently.

Then I got to dissect a rat! Killed the brain stem :( But its a fickle thing, one poke and poof gone. Plus I apparently did very well for not needing any instruction the second time round. :D Its really neat being in the lab... Okay so it can get really boring like now and I write blog posts but haha. This one's been sitting forever waiting for me to finish so I've decided to finish it... And of course start another. :D

Until the Next Song,
Zoë

With nothing but a T-shirt on I never felt so beautiful, baby as I do now.

Feeling A Little: In love ♥
Playing A Little: With You by Goodnight Sunrise
Recommending A Little: Rockin' Romance (A cover CD of love songs. :D)

Oh god I know, getting swept up in emotions for a boy who lives across the country... Not a good idea. He makes me feel like it is a good idea not because we'd go at it like rabbits (not a terrible down side ;)) but he is really sweet and we get along nicely. Sure everyone is a little different on the internet but it can't be too terrible. I figure I'll actually meet him because really what harm can come of it. (Death really but truthfully I'm dead then and so I won't care.) Plus we had a chat about harmfulness which he started and was sweet.

So this blog I told myself would not be about Patrick (Ontario boy, I seriously love how there are so many Patricks), all this blog. I did get a heart <3>

My week is chalked full of everything. Work. Then social event. Wednesday Harry Potter! Which I am so pumped for after reading the Metro article (Oh yeah city chic now, grab a newspaper on my way to work... then gossip about it with my coworkers :D) with Tom Felton and it looks better than the other ones. But I'm not too entirely hopeful because I've had my hopes dashed before. Then Thursday football game. :D I'm going to cheer on the guests because I like BC better. Then Friday there is a show in Drayton Valley, where I probably get to part-ay with a band again. My weekend is kind of a downer though because Patrick is off in Toronto and can't talk and so no fun late night "play dates." Although perhaps then I can catch up on my sleep a bit.

Work is going good though. I may get to kill and dice... kay well we don't dice them we dissect them for their brain stem and spinal cord. Which I may be able to try. Not that it will be anywhere good enough for a set up but you need to start somewhere. It can get pretty boring at times so I need to start remembering my book. Although thank god for my iPod and internet that keeps me entertain most of the time. I'm not excited for Monday when there is actually nothing to do. :D But I understand what is going on now so it makes it more interesting. I helped edit a poster my mentor and supervisor are taking to Japan. I wish I was going to Japan, I need to learn these things...

Ugh now I have to go sit by a laundry machine for a couple hours. I'm so excited! Ha ha ha I can fall asleep and dream about my lover in Ontario, who I swear on my life I have never referred to as my boyfriend regardless of what Lincoln says. I like half consider it a relationship. So according to facebook its complicated. At least until I meet him.

Until the Next Song,
Zoë

Ontario Here I Come?!

Feeling A Little: Confused!
Playing A Little: Break Your Little Heart by All Time Low
Recommending A Little: Nothing Personal, All Time Low's new CD (Rocks my socks)

Okay... so I'm renting a house next year while going to Queen's University with some guy I met over the internet. Sounds safe yes? :P I don't understand me! At all! Like I am usually not so... creepy. Apparently though with the promise of sex all the time I am sold. Jesus Christ I'm a whore. I don't know what he looks like. I don't know if he is actually 17. I've been sucked into the evil vortex that is my sex drive.

According to Facebook though I am losing my virginity at 17 so we are on track. :P I don't get it! Like he is actually really nice when we aren't talking about sex its good. But then we cyber which is all good. Then we have our me moving to Kingston talks. Which actually are very mature and planned out, if we knew each other in real life. What is wrong with me. Lincoln says its because of the animosity we have but I really don't think so. I think its me being horny and wanting the only guy who seems to want me now. Plus if I went to Queen's I would know someone already. In Cambridge (which if I get in I'm going that boy can move his ass back to England if that is the case) and UBC I wouldn't know any one.

I looked at Queen's the rank with UBC for medical school so its good and I wouldn't have to go to Vancouver. Sure I'd have to give up Latin but I never did think it would be a lucrative career. It'll help me in biology and medicine. That's reason B for learning it, A of course being its fucking Latin. Seriously now I am settling down into my medicine aspirations. Dr. Zoe. I love it. 15 years of school but I love biology, I love the human body. :D

Expensive yes but I'm beginning to like this Canada thing. We need doctors here so why not be a doctor here. Canada may not be the best country in the world in the eyes of others but looking at it in my perspective I love it. I think it is the best. But that's my nationalist view. ;) Oh yeah social 20. It has good health care, better if I am a doctor, we are insanely rich for having a population smaller than several cities, and we are actually pretty put together in the government department. More than I can say for the rest of the world. :D

So I'm staying in Canada. Don't know if I'll take the crazy leap to live in Ontario but who knows. I am spontaneous at times and its not like I'm going there soley for a boy. Who is my soul mate BTW. Sorry teenage moment but he's really cool and like matches my crazy sex-ness. :D But its a good small school that looks like it would be fun to go to and I don't hate Ontario THAT much. It'll be cool to see the country as I road trip across it because it would be so expensive to ship my stuff and like $200 to road trip it across.(Kay more... but still it would be a neat trip.)

Aw. So I'm finishing my confusing blog in which I didn't even express my main confusion; am I technically in a relationship if I am planning to get a house and live in it with another person? Or am I just crazy? But we are actually having a conversation about like us as people... rather than just cybering. Its kind of new and neat. I like it.

Until the Next (Crazy) Song,
Zoë

Naughty Dirty Sex Kitten (Zoë...? :P)

Feeling A Little: :D Smiling.
Playing A Little: The Sign by Teen Hearts
Recommending A Little: Rancid

So first day in the lab. That was the longest day I have ever had in my life. 7 hours reading the same 21 pages over and over. By the end I am sure I know every word, just not what every word means. :D But its like the most lax lab ever. One... er two with mine lab coats and no one knows where the safety goggles are. :D Dangerous. But rats! That's going to fun and cute I am sure... Because I don't think I have to kill them, humanely of course. But thank goodness.

Argh! I want my campus card now! Parking is so expensive when you can't prove you are staff and my payroll info is still not through. :( I want to swim for free and park for cheap. I need to get in shape before my roll in the hay. ;)

... and that brings me to the boy. The boy that its terrible but I would seriously sleep with him. He is nice, 17, and from Ontario. I know bummer. But he has an English accent... or so I am told. I adore our conversations. Its innuendo after innuendo. He's fun to talk to because unlike most boys he plays back. Other boys are like oh okay, then change the subject, or are gay. I don't think its exactly cybering but its getting pretty damn close at times. We have scenarios just not exceeding detailed ones. He's "my toy" and I'm his "sex kitten." God I never thought the internet could bring me such joy. But that's weird because he lives across the country.

Buuut back to work. It'll be fun when I get into it but today was exceedingly dull. Like fall asleep dull, which I did. Hopefully tomorrow I can stay awake but again I am up late talking to my darling toy. ;) Even if it doesn't get better I can suffer through boredom for education and that reference letter. This blog was short but I'm off having other conversations now. ;)

Until the Next Song,
Zoë

Stranger: hi. i have a 9.3 inch dick. im 16 and not gay

Feeling A Little: Booooored to Death
Playing A Little: H-O-A-R by Bo Burnham
Recommending A Little: sXephil on YouTube. (I think he's funny any ways)OH and Omegle meet your own stranger.

So I'm talking to a random boy in Scotland. It was kind of a nice little boost to my self esteem when we passed the picture stage. He's not that terrible looking either. Plus I am sure he has the accent that makes them so adorable. Them... look at me being mean to those Scottish. :P He gave purpose to my night, which was otherwise going to be spent slitting my wrists to amuse myself. I was that bored... kay not THAT bored. Yet.

Its like 3 AM over there too. Time stamp my blog a little so I might get this up before editing it half a dozen times then ending up deleting it because its irrelevant. Because I do that a lot. But tonight I am bored so I will make this meaningless blog post. Its better than learning about 9.3 inch dick on omegle. Kay its not but its something to do while talking to Scottish dude on MSN. Oh being on chat sites being 16 is terrible. So I'm being 17 because apparently its a happy medium. :D I really wanted to find some creep to talk to me.... and continue without that stupid "Do you have a web cam" question.

Now its some dude in Ontario. This is a fun site. It is keeping me amused. Especially dinosaur guy who told me he was a dinosaur in bed then disconnected. I like telling people I live in the dorms. :D Although some people take it as an open invitation that we should get it on... even though they live halfway across the world. If they fly here I told them that I'm game. Because really a) who will and b) I'm not giving out my room number so if they are that dedicated I think they at least deserve a treat. ;) Goodness when did I turn into a whore. Ha ha.

So that was like an account of my beautiful night. Ontario boy is giving me tips on how to entertain in my dorm room. I'm sure it will come in handy when I do eventually get a boy back to my room. :P Ha ha ha I forgot that guy who came on asked my asl then told me he had a hard on and asked me what to do about it. I told him that some porn and his hand should do the job. :P I'm terrible. He thought so too.

Wow when I said this was a meaningless blog I meant it. Goodness its terrible. Its like me reaccounting my conversations for 2 hours. Not really interesting. Although here it can have some meaning; there are Frat houses in Canada. I did not know that. Then Garret wouldn't stop so that we could be their frisbee, Gen and I that is. I don't know that Garret would want to be their frisbee. :D But that whole night of getting lost in the city was so amusing. I loved hanging out with those two and I wish Gen could have stayed longer. (Oh "crazy englishman" his words, invited me to go live in Kingston, Ontario. Ha ha. I love him seriously he cracks me up.) Buuut before I get like "I am closing my eyes now, now I am falling asleep, I'm thinking of him, oh god!" I'm going to go because you don't want that, and it would be weird.

Until the Next Song,
Zoë

♥ Cambridge I'm Dreaming Of Only You

Feeling A Little: Boooored
Playing A Little: Love Drunk by Boys Like Girls (Died when I found out they have a new single and it rocks my fucking socks off.)
Recommending A Little: The Cure (Just because I finished The Last Days and that was the last chapter and the also rock my socks off.)

Uh oh! I'm broken. :( Stupid insurance. Annnd I don't get paid until the end of July. Buut bonus on the U of A's weird payroll thing I get paid at the very end of August so that means lots of money to tide me over in case I don't get a job right away. And when I say a lot of money... I mean a lot. :D Its ridiculous how much I get paid for the summer. My job sounds like more fun than work. I'd work 40 hour weeks if they'd let me (which they do... to an extent. :D)

Ah! On Monday I get to actually start work and meet my "mentor" aka the dude who's experiment it is and decided that I could come in his lab but I get shoved onto a post grad or a graduate. :D Not that I'll mind as it'll be fun and its not like I expected me and my professor would be BFFs and study the rat closely together laughing. I had to take a biomedical safety course too. :P Perhaps my lab will be as cool as Allison's and be negative air pressure and level 2 biohazard. Which is intense ish... :D She just can't eat the ameoba. I know it'll be hard when she is hungry. :D

I am so pumped to start. Mostly because I am so bored. Ivan, Gary and I were supposed to go out and do something... but Edmonton has nothing to do so we stayed in our dorm rooms like losers... all in our own dorm rooms too. :D So first day and a bit I was anti social but apparently I decided not to be. I again seem to be making more guy friends than girls. What is with me? I am like this guy friend addict. Perhaps its because girls are fucking bitches and whine too much. Hypocritically whine too. Sorry can you tell I'm pissed at a girl right now? :P

Its kind of odd living alone now too. I can kind of do whatever the hell I want... which is nothing now that I am broke as can be. :D Its parkings fault. $5 a day adds up to a fair chunk of my change. Ohh and it does NOT help that I am getting my period and craving chocolate like crazy. Like when I typed chunks I thought chips ahoy and mmm those delicious chocolate chips. Perhaps tomorrow when I go get pasta I'll buy chocolate. Yeah smart move on my part, bought the pasta sauce and no pasta. I'm just awesome like that. :D

I am also pretty sure that that "have 8 glasses of water a day" thing LIES. I'm dehydrated and I've drunken much more than 8 glasses today. But I still pee like a maniac. Jesus Christ my body needs to learn to make ADH, and STAT. Oh that reminds me of doctors which my RA (residence advisor) is. He is awesome though, because he just graduated and is doing his residency for dermatology... after taking his PhD in immunology at Oxford. What a weird switch. But who knows what I may be like if I go into medicine. :D Do them all. Ha ha ha well apparently there is a Vatter H and Vatter P who have written and published papers on brain stuff. Exciting I am sure if I knew who they were. We were doing practice searches for medical journals today. Zzz. But I'm on the payroll now so boo yeah! Staff at a university.

Until the Next Song,
Zoë

Sitting On A Suitcase, Waiting For The Train

Feeling A Little: Ready to Rock and Roll!
Playing A Little: Shake It, You're On Fire by Bad News Bears
Recommending A Little: CAKE

I leave in 14 hours. Weird. I'll be gone for 6 weeks. 6 weeks alone. By my lonesome. Budgeting and grocery shopping. Deciding whether I should eat or watch Harry Potter (HP of course. Can't miss spoiling the movie :D) I'm really excited and nervous... Nervous because I definitely am bringing a ton. Sure half of it won't be returning with me but still its a ton. And I feel weird carrying around a laundry basket. I'm sure I won't be the only one but still it looks like a lot of stuff... Probably because it is. :D

I should get on my driving playlist pretty lickity split because I don't want to listen to crap for 4 hours. :P Or the same thing over and over and over. Plus I need stuff to jam along too so I can sing and be a crazy lady attempting to amuse herself on a highway on a loooong trip. I'll like end up weeping in the middle because I'll think about EVERYTHING and then get to the sad/ depressing stuff. Could you imagine driving past this lady just sobbing in her car... weird sight I am sure.

OMG I am sooo happy I took Biology 30. This summer I am dealing with like all action potientals, the medulla oblingata and the lungs and neurons. I would be so screwed over if I didn't because that's like all I am doing. Perhaps I'll redo my diploma with the awesome skillz I obtain over the summer :D

Ah and I am supposed to find my soul mate soon... I vote he be a summer student from a different country who is so amazed by my awesomeness he stays in Canada. Because I'd miss him if he had to go home and he is obviously my soul mate so we'll have to marry and have my 4 kids. :P Well thats weird I know. I'm not really expecting a soul mate just some summer fun... or a cute boy to lust after.

Now I must finish packing and probably actually make that playlist. :D Then off to the big city to learn so shit about the respiratory system and perinatal rats. :D I'm so excited. I love Bio to death.

Until the Next Song,
Zoë

Slid 'er Right In, That's Gooood

Feeling A Little: Impatient
Playing A Little: I'll Take Famous Murders For 50 by Watchout! Theres Ghosts
Recommending A Little: The Fratellis

Ugh so mini rant on my father. So I was upstairs printing at 10 PM... I didn't think that was a big deal. My sisters and I were doing our little snipping at each other playfully and my computer was being slow so I was becoming frustrated. Then he just goes off screaming and yelling. So... I didn't get to print so I stormed downstairs pissed at my dad for being so grumpy. Well I got over it pretty quick so I was putting along on my computer when I get called upstairs. Now I understand how my puppy feels now when I force him to come to me to scold him. I was called upstairs to get yelled at even more for something I had just gotten yelled at. Because I interrupted my "darling" daddy's 4 hours of down time. If I barely get 4 hours of down time in a school week I think he needs to get the fuck over it. When I get home I have to do homework. Sleeping is my down, calm down time. He should learn that.

But now its summer! I am sort of packed now too. So yay! Really I am doing laundry and organizing things. Although my laundry basket is going to be another "suitcase" for me to carry a whole bunch of crap. This is going to suck ass when I do this for real. I'll end up throwing out half my life to fit in a box. I mean my books... nope... my memory box nope... What's going to happen! I'll end up starting over with a box of clothes and my laptop. :D Randomly I might have two beds in my room. Its a single but apparently the U of A feels that singles need to have two beds. Sleepovers. ;)

Oddly enough the thing I am most excited for is putting my laptop in its case. :D Its an awesome case so I'm excited to slid 'er in. Its polka doted and I bought it from an apple store... and its taken me 1.5 months to have the opportunity to use it. Next year I'll bring my lap top to school everyday... Just to use that case. I'm really weird but that's okay. :D Its 4 in the morning and I can't sleep again so I'm allowed to be.

I've fallen into my I'm so excited I can't sleep patterns again. Not fun because a) no sleep and b) what do I do with myself with more time!? Perhaps get things done... :P Well I do need an Ethernet cord for internet, and my wheels done... but I could do that just as easily with a full nights sleep! It'll take all of an hour to get that all done. One a quick side note. :( My students achieve updated and I am no longer taking any classes. Pretty exciting actually. One more year! and... 1 day until I get to leave! Whoopee!

Until the Next Song,
Zoë

Congratulations! It's a BOY!

Feeling A Little: Psyched (Remember when that was something to make fun of someone. "Psych!")
Playing A Little: Hot Air Balloon by Owl City
Recommending A Little: Repo! The Genetic Opera (Hilarious movie... Horror musical)

I am so... 3 days! :D Well by the time this gets up it'll probably be 2! But I'm actually going. I think with only days to go it really set in. Like I bought laundry detergent today! (Expensive that stuff I bought the cheapy on sale stuff. :D... and my dryer sheets probably suck because they were $2) Its so close my anxiety has gone away and now its just me being nervous about being able to pack everything... and afford food. :D Who knows, perhaps I will come back thin as can be because I can't afford food. :P Good weight loss strategy I am sure, no food mean no cravings, which means no weight gain... or energy.

Goodness I'm going to miss this town weirdly enough. I think being able to drive made it 10x more bareable. I mean I can now go down to the river and bring my puppies to swim. :D Or go with my two friends... and have mud rubbed in my hair for a "mask." Or laugh at Ryan for being a sissy and not coming in the water... even though my going in the water was accidental. Slipped and totally fell on my ass. I have this obsession with water and the river is kind of fun to mess around in.

But getting out of here will be nice, mostly my dad. Good god. One minute we are joking around (about me cutting myself too) and then he is yelling at me. I cannot even begin to adjust to the moods. Like usually I am prepared... not when one minute he is laughing, then yelling. Or like I was just talking to him on the couch and he started yelling at me for giving him attitude... when we were just discussing how I am almost done work. I think he may be pregnant I am afraid to say. When he is expecting? I have no idea, but I hope its a boy. :D

I think Lincoln infected me... Out of the last 4 movies I've rented 3 have been horror films (the other was Shopaholic but I like it). Ed Westwick in one, gorgeous Chase Crawford in another and then Repo... but Repo was hilarious because Paris Hilton's face fell off and they like didn't talk... they sang. It was terrible but funny. Although I think I was broken too. I don't jump in them any more. Like at the jumpy moments I am like oh... ah? They are kind of predictable... but I still watch them for some reason. I'm not a movie person so thats my genre of this spirt of movie loving.

Ah but in 10 hours I begin my last shift at Shoppers until the fall... Weird. Maybe they will like me so much they'll want to keep me and I'll go to that scary Concordia High School on campus that is like god obsessed. :D One can wish. AND perhaps they will be like "Zoe god who needs physics all you need is some bio" and I can reply that I have it and then they will keep me without me needing a medical degree... ahhhh well one can hope right?

Now I need to be making a playlist. Maybe I should make a blog playlist... OR update that I recommend thing I have > there. Its probably been a LONG while. :D Well any ways I need 4 hours of music... I have 2 days to pick from so I think I can do it. Better get a move on though.

Until the Next Song,
Zoë

This Isn't About Men and Women Only Being Equal At Starbucks ;)

Feeling A Little: Relieved
Playing A Little: I Get Weak by Jordan McCoy
Recommending A Little: brokenCYDE (Booty Call and Freaxxx and Sex Toyz otherwise I don't like them much)

Get my drunk on! Woo... I talk a lot about getting drunk... I don't. I've gotten drunk once and drink at Christmas over dinner... and rum and eggnog but I love it... Weirdly it reminds me when I was little and used to sneak sips from my parent's glasses. Nasty. At 7 rum is the grossest thing ever... at 16 I can only handle cheap Captain Morgans because there is like zero alcohol. Alcohol... well I don't get the appeal. Sure there are certain drinks that I like but if they were virign I'd like them better... Mostly because then I could drink as many as I wanted. Woo!

Then I got my email today on residence. I am so excited 6 days and then I am a staff member at a University. Put that on a application and SMOKE IT! Whoopee. You can tell I'm going to exploit this until the middle of August. And until I get into Cambridge... I just need an interview then I can wow them with my smiles and charm... and bribes. :P I am so pumped for January... Make or break my whole year... Kay not really my back up school is a place I love tons so I'll be fine... Now my back back up school is the shits so lets hope I get one of the first two.

Plus I passed Physics. Not my best mark in anything. In fact it tied with something that I got an 87 in... I can't remember which. I am an awful physics person. I try but math should just be theoretical, when I have to put it in real world situations I fail. I start good but then I think about it and its like but why does Fc=Fg. It makes no sense that this jumble of numbers equal another set of numbers because the rope is spinning. But I have 2 months free of physics. Ahh... then life if I don't go become a doctor. Because I'm pretty sure to be a UN translator or ambassador you don't need physics, if you do.... Fuck you. I'm done. Actually I don't know what I am going to use my trilingualness for... because really one of those languages is dead. Dead as a door knob. :D

Oh my career paths... So I want to have a biology degree just because I love human anatomy and take classics and modern languages, PLUS English. So I'll hopefully be proficent in Latin, French and English when I am done my degrees... What I'll use any of it for I have no clue. But who knows this summer I may fall in love with Biomedical research... Knowing me I will. I'll be one of those people who every year will have a new career.

Ugh 30 second rant on crazy bitch driving instructor... she's coming for me tomorrow. Ah! Scary I know. I really want to freak her out with stories of getting in car crashes and that's why my car is so totaled. :P But I won't because she scares me... Although I am so happy she didn't see me today because my side of the road was empty so I was braking and fixing my hair so I probably would've gotten in shit for doing that... because you're not suppose to.

Any who... summer! Thank god I have something to do. Otherwise I'd be fucked because its one afternoon in and I'm bored. :P I hate summer now. Its boring and I like school except the last month because then I just want it to be over. Plus I like starting new courses. I like starting anything new. Spices things up.

Until the Next Song,
Zoë

Bisexual Guinea Pigs, Lizzie McGuire, "Bye!"

Feeling A Little: Ready to rock!
Playing A Little: Sharada by Skye Sweetnam
Recommending A Little: Aerodrone

Thank the lords. I found a song that captures me to a "T" again. This time its not a downer song, like Screening Process by Lauren Fairweather. Sharada is amazing. I love it... and really its me. With my randomness and always having a song stuck in my head. Its a cool feeling relating to a song so much... especially when its not a love song. :D

Well 2.5 exams left... So basically I only got one done but still school has come to those 2.5 exams. It marks the last test I take in the large gym at school, it marks the last of my grade 11 year and the beginning of my grad year. :D This year is going to be a fast ride but I'm determined to keep a smile on my face and keep my head on right. And to skype Lincoln so we can be exceedingly awkward on web cam again. Oh is it awful that I totally wish he'd go now so that I could actually use my skype? :P Go now.

This is going to sound terrible and mean and cold hearted but wait for the explaination. I want him to go so bad and right now. Then my summer won't drag on and I won't have to keep explaining why I'm not giving him a going away present (thats because why would I? Leaving is a stupid reason to get a gift. We don't give people presents when they die and every year after that. We don't celebrate leaving and gifts are celebration). Plus when he is gone that means one motherfucking year until I am done! :D Then I can go out and have my career, and family. Lincoln leaving marks the beginning of my last year. That does sound awesome but I think he deserves to go so bad and I think he should be able to just do it. I would if I had the ambition, but right now I just want to finish high school sane.

Speaking of sanity, dance time! :D I made it through this whole semester without mental mishap! I realized such an achievement the other day. Then I danced because I did it. I achieved my goal. Boogy down. :D I fixed me... sort of. I still get my downer thoughts but I figured out to not and not put it on other people. :P Lincoln and I of course rant and have our discussions which helps.... Oh no! He'll be gone so we can't slowly kill the environment driving around for an hour just being mad. :P Kay so we can grab our laptops and rant while walking around. Plus another goal achieved; my nails! I stopped chewing them and so now I want to rip them off because they are soooo annoying. :D

Lincoln and I sort of made our goodbyes too which was kind of... well sad to say the least. It was probably the worst thing either of us have ever done. Um so we'll talk for a few years then not, I mean I don't see us on a porch when we are 70 talking. Neither of us do. I can see us doing the reunion thing when we are like 40 and there is like some virtual facebook thing. Perhaps we'll be those people who email occasionally but our lives are going in different directions so after university I can't seeing us having much in common. I'll be off having a family and he'll be teaching and saving children in Africa. We have such different things planned that its realistic to think that one day we may not be able to talk.

I'm such a terrible social person. I mean whenever I do something its like the most awkward thing ever. I need to like... well I have no desire to be more sociable though. I like my current friends, I like being geeky and hiding behind a computer. On computerness I just saw an ad for gay wedding cake things. That was hilarious. I love it. :D

Well this blog has been on nothingness. So I bid you adieu and suggest you check out this because bisexualness is cool when its Zachary Quinto.

Until the Next Song,
Zoë

Numbers Have Feelings Too, Especially Mine

Feeling A Little: Smiley
Playing A Little: Saved by All Caps ("I wish I could freeze time and space like Hiro from Heroes")
Recommending A Little: All Caps (Myspace it, now. They are so happy. :D)

He has my number. :D OMG he has my number...weird actually... Kay so now he should text me. :P Well I didn't expect it tonight perhaps tomorrow... I'll bug him on our "walk." Its actually pretty awesome that I was bold enough to be like "We should study together" Props to me. Props not to me for failing a test causing me to want to study even more, actually study. :( I wanted to be like lets study... then an hour later be like lets not and trapeze about this town. Hopefully I can. Cross my fingers I am courageous enough.

So that sort of completed today's goal, ask him on a study date, I got him to add my number, should have gotten his in retrospect but too late. We are going to arrange a time so it'll happen... hopefully, and if not its summer bitches I'm not here. Fall in love in another city I suppose. :D

But summer... ah so wonderful 3.5 exams left. :D Failing the social one I am sure because my teacher is a fucktard and I just cannot seem to do Social multiple choice. But then the other 3 are passable, laughably actually. Physics perhaps not with the greatest mark but hopefully I can maintain my average. Ha ha ha I am so excited for it all to be over. I survived one of my toughest semesters with decent marks. :D Pretty pumped for summer... nervous now because how the fuck do you live on your own? I mean I have to budget. *gasp*

It is going to be awesome any way you slice it, concerts galour and alone in a big city. New people to meet and they are going to be from places near town so I can visit them, hopefully. Plus my car will be fixed so road trips! Its going to be jammed packed of awesome because its one of my lasts. Also I am old now so I can do more, so being able to do more= more awesomeness.

It kind of hit me that I am 16 going on 17 (Ugh Sound of Music quote) and almost an adult and fully a teenager. This hit me while stalled out in the middle of an intersection. I was in a car with someone my own age, not my dad or an older person, someone my own age. Its weird to think that in only a few short years I'm going to be 20, 25, 30. All grown'd up. :( But I've got a year so I'll make the most of the time I have left. Woo!

Until the Next Song,
Zoë

Teenage To Do List Has 2 More Things To Do Then I Can Turn 18

Feeling A Little: Complete
Playing A Little: Swing Life Away by Rise Against
Recommending A Little: Aerial Underground (One of the super awesome bands I hung out with.)

So last night and early this morning was AWESOME. You have to go on a teenage road trip before you turn 18 seriously. I had a blast. An Alberta road trip especially. God our road signs. I love them to death. "Important Intersection Ahead" and the billboard for western provinces to separate. I died of happiness right there.

Then there was Hot Guy... When not around him that is his name because he is unbelievable sexy. Really in person he is the nicest guy ever... broke my porn magazine virginity... but we broke his buying porn virginity so it was awesome. Then there was the naked mohawk drummer guy... that was interesting... That whole night was just epic. Really the best night I've ever had with complete strangers. I know a lot more about everyone than I ever cared to know but you know the more information the easier to stalk.

Oh the stories I could go on about... the road trip, the concert, the fire, the drive back to Garrets house. Doesn't feel like we did a ton but we did enough to make me fall asleep with the biggest smile on my face. Its surreal to think that I partied it up with a band... three bands. :D Lincoln and I are the coolest cats in town.

My fucking driving instructor is back. I thought she was out of my bloody life... Apparently not she loves me too much to let me go. Or hates me. She called me and was like "while we were on a lesson and you were driving you ran a red light. I got the ticket." So being naive was like okay well let me see it and I'll pay it I'm sorry. She was really bitchy about it too. When I picked up she was like "Good news I got a ticket in the mail." She is convinced I suck at driving. I may be inexperience but I am not as irresponsible as some. I try to pay attention and be the best but lets face it I've only had my license for 3 weeks, that does not make for a great driver. I'm still scared of parking lots but I'm more comfortable on the road.

So being scared that my insurance was going to go up I panicked at my dad. He was really mean about me calming down though. He talked me through it. He is going bitch on her ass too. Because logically thinking back it is not my fault. She has a brake and she is the instructor. She is apparently scamming me which now it totally sounds like she is. I'm not to pay anything which I am not complaining about. I was freaking out because my first insurance payment comes out soon and I was panicking about paying for that, gas, and my car. My dad is crazy when people are awful to each other so I'm actually a little frightened for her... he's apparently going to AMA to complain and quite possibly get her fired.

I hate her little bitch self righteousness. She should suck it up and so pretending that she is god. Seriously in our lessons I am sure she almost got us in accidents more than I almost got us in accidents. Like I appreciate that she taught me half of how to drive, like the skills but most of it came from talking to others and observing. I mean on my driver's I probably would have gotten just under 100% if she hadn't taught me horrible road skills, like always keeping in the right lane... Pfft.

She brought down my vibe from last night... :( I probably would've smiled till next week if not for that bitch. Seriously I'm getting back to REALLY happy but still I sobbed myself to sleep in a panic this afternoon because of her. I did it when I was a learner which any violation gets my license taken away so I was worried my driver's could get pulled or that my insurance sky rockets. Nothing happens except she gets whats bloody coming to her.

Although last night mixed with my recrushing on a oldish crush has me smiling again quickly. He and I actually are talking a lot more so the evil crush is back. Nothing is going to happen because I'm going to Edmonton in 2 weeks but I can get his cell number hopefully. Then we can chat all summer. :D Love him to death really. I'm just going to miss that class in general though...

Until the Next Song,
Zoë

Credit Cards Are Not Made For Cutting Up

Feeling A Little: Excited!
Playing A Little: Oh Ottawa by Two Kids Running Away
Recommending A Little: Taking Back Sunday

19 days! Then I get to leave. Perhaps I will feel sad before I go but right now its a new adventure in a new city by myself. Its like a practice run for university, where if I am in trouble I have people to help me... well and I get paid rather than paying. But I am alone. I seriously only feel excitement with a tinge of nervousness. I don't feel sad that I am losing my last summer with Lincoln... I need this not just as a get away but for university.

:D My Cambridge application... looks like :( I don't understand half this crap but I have 3 months so I may just get it done. :P Well my summer thing will be super awesome because then I can get a professor for a reference which no offense to Mr. Smith sounds better than a high school biology teacher. But if I get in I can go!!! My dad said we will take out loans galore if I get in because his credit score is back up... that was a sad story he told about having to cut up Platinum American Expresses and Gold Visas... It made the teenage girl in me cry with the anguish of cutting up such wonderful means of money.

Then tomorrow I get to go to Slave Lake with Lincoln. The road trip will be tons of fun but I also get to see Garret. :D I am so excited!!! Plus the concert. I am so psyched. This weekend in general is going to be fun... Then hopefully my car gets fixed today so I can go to Dawson Creek next weekend and visit the little Justin. He is so cute!

Ugh but then there is the predicament with my crush... I thought I was done and over with him... well as much as I could and then he starts like amicably talking to me all the time... Its usually over physics I must admit but sometimes it gets to Social... or toonie tuesday movies... :( Which I worked this week so I couldn't be like "Lets go!" Because I was tempted too but Kayce would kill me if I missed her shift.

This whole no Social thing is nice but I should probably get ready for Chemistry because unit tests cannot be skiped unfortunately. But its the easiest math you will ever do in your life so I'll live.... But excess and limiting reagents are stupid so maybe I won't.

Until the Next Song,
Zoë

Got My Tool Belt On, Just Waiting For The Signal

Feeling A Little: Impatient
Playing A Little: Feeling Small (B-Side) by Marianas Trench
Recommending A Little: Siren's Eye (Hottest lead singer ever. :D)

So close... 23 days now :D I know I know. I should be sad blah blah blah but I'm really excited. Come on a summer to myself. Oh dear... I just realized that this is my last summer. Next year I'll be working like mad to pay for school and then after that the same thing or school. I am never going to have summer ever again. :( But... back to my count down and away from my tears. :D Its going to be so excited. I'm pumped!

Drag me away from these wretched University applications. I don't know what an H1 level is... or H2 or H3... all I got from it was IB. :( I'm no IB so tears. But its kind of cool having to do these applications. Soon I'll be free from this mess of a town. I do enjoy school here sometimes but really nothing is tying me down any more. No more Lincoln.

Ah Lincoln what am I going to do? The internet has made everything so damn impersonal. I'm not worried about losing touch with him I'm just worried about not knowing him. I mean I still talk to my Elementary friends and old Junior High friends but we don't know know each other. Internet/ text me is much different than the real world me. Its easier to express yourself in person. I'm not worried about Lincoln gone next year he can and should go. And is. It is awesome for him and I am happy for him... its after. Who knows what technology will be like then.

We've made all these silly plans for "Uncle" and "Aunt" to our kids but come on everyone makes fun of couples in high school that think they can last forever can a friendship really withstand the test of time and distance? Especially since we both have very different lives planned out. We both don't want anything special, just life. Neither one of us know where we are going to end up and its kind of concerning should we ever not end up near each other. We have lasted 5 going on 6 years with the most unconventional friendship and I don't doubt that we will always keep in touch but the loss of what we have now is what is concerning.

I guess I want to grow up but at the same time I kind of want to stay young and able to do whatever I want. My only responsibility is insurance and work. In the future I'll have a family and everything I've dreamed of. But at the same time I'm kind of comfortable where I am. Its been 17 years in the making now and someday I guess I'll have to unleash myself on the world and put a little work into molding the future generations.

Until the Next Song,
Zoë

(A downer I KNOW!... Go watch Greek. It makes everyone happy. Especially Cappie)

Groceries, Laundry Detergent and Toilet Paper

Feeling A Little: Happy w/ a little Damper
Playing A Little: I Could Get Used To This by The Veronicas
Recommending A Little: Big Surrender

OMG I actually passed. Amazing. Annnnd I actually passed my drivers ed. :P It took some convincing of course because I apparently speed too much and I have a bad attitude. My bad attitude is probably because you tell me things that are wrong and that's why I got points off during my exam. Then there is the fact you had a good chuckle about me to your fiance. Sorry I'm very bitter about her. But license. Woo!

Gah! I am so pumped. My car should be drivable hopefully by Thursday and apparently my dad saw a picture and its P-I-M-P with a spoiler and everything. :P But gas went up. :( I get my license and car when gas goes up FML. But I finally did it so yay! I feel sort of more scared to drive by myself. Weird.

My rebellious ways are progressing. My hair is short... not blue though. Totally forgot about that. Too busy sleeping I guess. :P Perhaps I can rush a dye job right before Lincoln shows up to pick me up. I think its like 15 minutes so I can make it. :D He can wait 30 seconds for me to dry it too. My hair actually dries lickity split now so I could do it.

I'm actually a little scared to do this eyebrow thing. I will I know but my last piercing was when I was 5 and it was only a pinch but thats my face that is being poked. Who knows but I get to laugh at my sister. She is getting some Marilyn Monroe piercing then attempting to convince my father of a tongue piercing. He's a no which is okay by me because I have this teeth affliction and don't want anything to damage them and a piercing could chip them... Some how. He is also anti lip which I am not so much. I'd do it if I knew I wasn't going to kill myself. I bite my lip too much and so with a ring it would never heal because I'd play with it too much.

Gah! I really want school to be done now. I've learnt enough, exam me. Its not so much summer I want I just am bored with my classes so my attention is waning... not so good for the mark. Kay I so want to summer though because I get to be by my lonesome. :D Its going to be exciting. I'll have to buy groceries, laundry detergent and toilet paper. Weird I know. :D So stoked

Until the Next Song,
Zoë

Pedestrians Are There For Target Practice

Feeling A Little: Recovering :D and Anxious (again)
Playing A Little: Weeping Willow by The Hush Sound
Recommending A Little: The Killers

I survived. I was feeling awful all day then I came home and my dad like drugged me to death and I fell asleep. Then I woke up slightly more cured. I still feel icky but now I can move without my muscles screaming at me. :D So I am slightly more happy. I apparently am a miserable person when I am sick and no fun to be around. But I think the sickness-ness goes straight to my frontal lobe and like attacks my personality because I am always awful and I find it difficult to cooperate and not be a whiny sniffing girl.

Kay so sin sin sin to be proud but I am pretty sure God can suck it up because a) I totally stopped biting my nails. For how long? Who knows. b) I can parallel park all by myself. :D and c) I'm not failing school completely :D. I'm sure I was never failing and I've done better before in Physics and Chem and Bio but its sunny outside and I'm still going to class. A new thing for me. Last year my classes dropped so badly when May rolled around because I just didn't go.

Gah. I am pretty sure I'm never going to be in Federal politics. My french has to be the worse. I could send out awesome memos in French but I turn bright red in embarrassment and stutter like no tomorrow when I have to speak it. Like when I was taking my DELF and I was like insisting that I wanted Star Wars, it was like "nnnnon, non, jjje peuuuux Star Wars" Its awful and how am I supposed to talk in front of people. I am just not good at oral language parts, paper grammar I'm fine though. Bluck. I'll be the Leader of the Official Opposition in Alberta. Sounds cool.

My music dry spell has finally ended. God I hadn't found anything new that sounded different from what I usually listened to in so long... until Garret was awesome and gave me 3 CDs. Definitely made me happy. I love The Hush Sound and CAKE just amuses me because well its name is CAKE and Short Skirt, Long Jacket is the theme to Chuck. It was kind of cool because some of the songs I hadn't heard in so long and just had never owned.

Get to jam out to music soon while driving! Yay! One more week and I get to attempt this license thing. :D I am actually not that nervous. Mostly because if I fail I'm sure I'll survive. They let me take it as much as I want so it'll be good. I am collecting advice and why people failed their first times. Like one person failed because she stopped for a pedestrian when it was the middle of the road. So only stop at marked crosswalks, otherwise run 'em down. :D Gun 'er.

Until the Next Song,
Zoë