A Post About A Boy

Feeling A Little: Confused
Playing A Little: Hummingbird by Never Shout Never
Recommending A Little: Audio/Rocketry (Upbeat and I like it. :D)

So there is this guy. (Surprised?) I kind of am and he isn't exactly a person I'd lay up at night thinking about. I mean he isn't atrociously ugly... not that I've stared at him enough to come up with a solid opinion... he could be stunningly attractive and I'll die at the sight of his handsomeness... but I just haven't looked until now. I suppose he is sort of my type of guy too, smart, funny... nerdy? And I think he likes me (which led to me thinking about him).

I hate to say that people like me which is why I denied it this long. But today in class he stuttered when he talked to me and could barely look at me. Perhaps I became hideously ugly over the weekend and just didn't notice.... no one has alerted me so (and Justine definitely would or Ryan...). Or perhaps I am making these things up. Although he did get me in trouble with my Physics teacher and he doesn't do it to Justine. Perhaps he hates me instead. ;)

I'm not sure but perhaps my interest in him is more curiosity about whether he does actually like me. I mean I do sort of want it to be true so I can actually be normal and date. Haha. My sister is getting to me. :P He's sweet though and I could date a grade 11 I suppose. Now to get him to not be a stuttering boy around me. :D Maybe I'll invite him to what is quickly becoming a random people group going to Toy Story. I mean Sacha? I never expect him to want to go, never mind with Justine and I.

Any who I am sure you're all like. WHAT THE FUCK!? I know its been a month. :D I'm awful but these are going to be sporadic and probably me moaning about boys and life. As always. I'll try to at least update every 2 weeks, haha. Life is insane and I'm back with my BFF psychologist so who knows. Maybe I'll need one for the rest of my life. Good god that is going to get expensive.

Until the Next Song,
Zoë

Chillin' Like A Villian For A Year Instead Of Education

Feeling A Little: Stressed
Playing A Little: Parking Lot Romance by A Day Away
Recommending A Little: Love Drunk (New CD from Boys Like Girls. I love it)

OMG two weeks I know. What were you doing with your lives without me? :P Probably not wasting 10 minutes of your life. I bug Justine to update and then she starts and I stop. I do have an excuse though and another post. :D My internet was down. Stupid Telus. A week without internet. I think a part of me actually died a little inside. :( But its back and I'm not doing Social to write this. :D Oh yeah I'm taking that by correspondence now, I did an assignment though so I think that should be enough. (I built a webpage, what a hardship.)

This is entirely Justine's fault. I was ranting about how there was no hot new guy in Physics and then I was forced to admit that perhaps maybe Clinton was attractive. Now that manifested. So I facebook stalked him (not ashamed its me. :P) and he's single compared to me thinking he was dating someone. Now sure facebook doesn't tell all but girls are scary and I think 6+ months into the relationship such should change. Perhaps I need to do some personal stalking. God. I'm fucking creepy. I need to work on this. I suppose I should just be content with sharing protractors. But I'm not, he's tall, funny and attractive and I want him. If I can't get my fantasy guys then why can't I get the attractive one who sits in front of me... (A: Because I'm Zoe Vatter I can't be that lucky)

Ah! I just got my social textbook. I'm going to throw myself into this course to get it done. I will get it done and graduate. Sure the sims doesn't help but I had done an assignment and taken notes. :D If need be I'll assign myself homework or spend all day Sunday doing it. I'm fucking graduating. I will. Plus really if I don't get done by January there is oddly a diploma in April. Weird right? But it maybe because of this weird restructuring of Albertan high schools.

I'm being so creepily overly organized these days. I have so much going on I don't want to forget anything. Like I have when my university applications open in my agenda. Definitely do not want to forget to apply for that. :D I'd be fucked. Oddly enough I've started to consider not going to university... I think its all too much for me now... Perhaps I'll do Katimavik. It looks like an interesting year off. We'll see what Garret says. :D

Until the Next Song,
Zoë

Don't Add Random People On MSN That Add You

Feeling A Little: At Capacity
Playing A Little: Songs About You by Lena Gabrielle
Recommending A Little: Owl City (Do it. I love him)

So I was MSN and this guy added me. Obviously because I was on drugs I added him. Bad idea. He wanted sex. Not surprising but I played along. Bad idea again. I ended up blocking him when he started planning the rape of me. That was terrible. Lincoln found it hilarious because they weren't serious but seriously no. Not exactly something you want to think of especially with a creepy boy in Calgary that I have no clue who he is.

I am now organizing a Quiddich match. It'll be amazing I am sure. With Justine. Yeah the Justine, from... well read old blog posts they are terrible enough. I'm a little scared to read them again. I was crazy beans and I feel like I took a deep breath and was like "no" and reprimanded myself. Either that or I grew up, but that could never be. :P Actually it feels like we hit a terrible bump in our relationship (It was like my sister's bump that BENT my front wheel of my bike). I always feel weird because literally our relationship is like that of a couple (sans the romance. I'm sorry Justine but I do NOT want to make out with you.) But I'm actually (that word makes the best intentions sound TERRIBLE) very happy that we are back to something closer to what we had. I was fucking nuts I'm happy I sorted it out.

Now time to send it all crashing down! *evil laugh* Just kidding. Or am I? I think I am. Or I hope I am. I'm am going to be so busy its insane but I'll work it out. hopefully. Plus I've gotten so uber organized I hopefully won't forget things.

Until the Next Song,
Zoë

Bitchin' Zoe and OMGing

Feeling A Little: Happy. :)
Playing A Little: Punk Rock Princess by Something Corporate
Recommending A Little: Ten Second Epic

"I want to do you on the kitchen table." Seriously I do. Even if you are terrible like Mr. Darcy and a huge asshole only to turn around and not be. I don't understand the appeal of old romances. But on that topic I think I am a teenage boy. Or maybe girls are just like teenage boys but we keep it under lock. I just have this crazy desire to have sex. Like badly. I suppose that is called horny but I don't like it because half the time I am like "Go.... aw no boy" then the other half of the time I am like "No. Gawd no one wants to look at me." And I do my body image hating thing, usually sans the gawd because I don't say that.

Oh on boys... :( No super hot new boy in my Physics class to sweep me off my feet. We were told to talk to lonely people and I did not because there were no super hot new boys to console in their loneliness. In fact no super hot boys in any of my classes. I mean I'd even take one in Social but I did the scope and nope. :( So single for another year. I enjoy the fact that I plan out my singledom. I suppose perhaps if a nice, doesn't even have to be super hot, funny guy asked me out or I happened to crush on one and it worked out but I've decided to be okay with the fact I am now single and shall be for another year... or more. I'll just jump the first single guy I see in university. He won't mind I am sure.

On university. *sigh* MONEY. Fuck it I say. I'll go work on the street if I have to. I'll sell all my books on eBay.... Hmm never actually thought of that. I should as I do need the money badly and I'm sure to have at least a $1000 worth of books. Sell my DVDs. Good god I am going to sell everything if I have to. Then take up another job. I will. I'll work everyday of the week if I have to. I am going to god damn Nova Scotia. I know crazy far away but right now its seems appealing and its just a little more expensive (Just for flight costs). OR Kingston Ontario because my lover just came on.

OMG. So I kind of was in the middle of my blog when this happened... And you needed to know that badly. :P HE CAME ONLINE! 3 weeks and before that one night after 2 weeks. He's been dying apparently, so I'm pleased he is alive. He makes me feel... exceedingly naughty but also... stupidly girl and giggly. I like it. I like him. *rubs hands together* Time for an X rated chat. :P He makes me smile and so I'm happy. And I can't OMGing. Its nice to talk to him again. :D

So off of boys school... Its awesome actually. I love 3/4 classes. The fourth I've decided to be the little hell child I was in English 10 because I hate my teacher. I'm actually really excited. I mean seriously she is so stupid its not even funny so I'm excited to argue because excuse me for some cockiness but I rock in social. Especially this crap that we are doing. Thank you daddy. Its what I get from arguing with my dad and talking to him (the news or BNN is always in the background). So I'm not going to talk any crap and argue at every turn and ignore all etiquette for class. Get ready because she arrives tomorrow. :D

So today rocked my socks actually a lot. I loved it. This year is going to go by so quickly and 2 weeks until I can start my university applications. :D So lets do this shit. Get another job lickity split and get some $$$. I'm going to do this whether my father thinks I can or not. I don't care if I have to get only 4 hours asleep at night. I gave up on one of my big dreams I'm not going to give up on this one.

Until the Next Song,
Zoë

Needed: Boy To Snog and Shag ;)

Feeling A Little: Alone
Playing A Little: Kiss The Girl by Ashley Tisdale (Haha yeah I love Disneymania CDs)
Recommending A Little: The Craving (I do adore Hugh Mitchell)

I was watching 10 Thing I Hate About You and there was a school dance and it made me sad. I mean I've been to one high school dance I ended up grinding with Lincoln much to my dismay. Seriously that was uncomfortable, mostly because it was awkward and my first time. Then there was the slow dance with Garret... :D Oh that was awkward just because neither one of us could do it. You think after 4 years of school taught dance I'd know where my hands go. I just don't do dances and sometimes I wish I did. I mean the dates, the dancing horribly together. I just kind of wish I was better with boys...

Sure I shouldn't worry but I do. I mean I feel awfully lame not having dated at all in high school. I've done a lot of other wonderful things but the romantic teenage girl in me just wants a date. I kind of don't want to be the prude virgin girl who has never been kissed in university. Not that I want to rush out and just have sex with any guy willing but I want to date. I want to explore that world. This mood will pass soon but right now I feel really really uncool and cliche-ly nerdy. I suppose I should be happy I haven't been subjected to the boys here. :D The good looking ones are jerks or taken, and the rest are ugly and covered in grease because their goal is the oil fields, or they are ugly, clean and stupid. Its my imagination wanting one thing to come true.

^ That is what I get when I watch a chick flick while PMSing. Terrible combination. Although I learnt that it is a good thing I didn't read Pride and Prejudice. Seriously I think it was Jane Eyre all over. I suppose Mr. Darcy is slightly more attractive than the Snape look alike. Haha I suppose I shouldn't insult him because I'm marrying Snope. I love that movie. Stardust. :P I was watching the movie with my sister and making jokes about Mr. Darcy wanting to do her on the kitchen table and it came true. Seriously end of the movie they were making out on a table (it was sweet because he did that "Mrs. Darcy *kiss*, Mrs. Darcy *kiss*" thing that I think is awfully romantic). I think I may just have a kitchen table fetish though. :P Is that even a fetish? I'll google it.

That was a very chick blog. :D I am allowed my moments though. I could go on to lament about how two of my friends are ditching me for everywhere in Canada but Alberta. :( But I won't because that will probably come in October when Garret leaves. That actually makes me very sad because we got to be very good friends in such a short time. Seriously I met him... 3ish months ago and it feels like so much longer. :D But I'll save it all for a special blog just for me complaining about being ditched.

Okay so away from my sob story of a love life. School is in less than a week. I'm starting to regret wanting it. I mean I'll have to work my ass off again. *sigh* Not excited. At least everything is spread out a bit though so I won't have all my sciences along with social in one semester. I suppose I'll just have to actually do homework this year. :D But I really wrote this blog to whine about my lack of love life so I'm going to end it. We can talk abut school another day.

Until the Next Song,
Zoë

Show Off The Ladies For Some $$$

Feeling A Little: Tired
Playing A Little: IDGAF by Blood on the Dance Floor and IDGAF by Breathe Carolina.
Recommending A Little: OMFG Sneak Peak! by Blood on the Dance Floor and Hello Fascination by Breathe Carolina (Both fricken awesome CDs.)

So I'm in trouble for not having enough money to eat... In 3 years time. I wasn't actually aware I had to plan that far ahead. Apparently since right now I don't have money because I just got a car, had to pay for food this summer and tried to make it my last awesome summer I'm going to starve in university. Frankly I spent $30 on groceries a week. I don't eat much. Crystal Light, chicken/salmon and some sort of vegetable and chicken stock and I am good. Sure its not the most healthy of diets but what are vitamins for. :P Plus I'm going to work throughout University. Its not like as soon as high school is done money stops coming in.

I'm going to work at Hooters of course. Show off the ladies for some money. ;) I'd make a few bucks I'm sure. I'm actually considering training in Home Health Care in my second semester because having that is A) Good for med school and B) I'd make more money doing next to nothing. Being nice to old people. I can do that. Although now I'm seriously considering being a waitress hard work I know but I get tips. Those can feed me. :P I'm not sure anymore.

Pretty soon I'm going to have a mini meltdown. One year away and my dad feels like reminding me every day that I have no money, that I need to save. I know that. But I'm also going to get scholarships. Its just too much pressure for me. I mean I have more bills added every month. This year might be easier to save though. I'm going to be uber nerd and just work a ton. I mean I need to. Coaching is easy though. Same mentality as last semester, push through and get it done. Once this semester is done its slack time. I mean no offense to Shoppers but its not a hard job. I usually get things done pretty quick, then slack.

Looking back though I'm kind of curious about what this year will bring. I mean I earned some amazing friends this year but lost a best friend. One of my worst fears. I grew up. I somewhat shook my super crazy Harry Potter obsession (still can tell you scary facts except I totally forgot Alicia's last name was Spinnet. Stupid me. :P). I changed a lot. I embraced me more, I learnt to grow up a bit and admit my mistakes. The past year was riddled with regrets but those were over powered by the amazing adventures I've had and the obstacles I have overcome. I feel like a fricken drug addict but 8 months now. :D 8 months since my last breakdown, since my last craziness (I mean the depression craziness I'll always be crazy.), since my last appointment. I'm allowed to be a little proud. :D

This year is going to be awesome whether it wants to or not. I will make it. It has no choice. :D Even if it sucks balls I'm still graduating so it'll rock regardless. Grad 2010. Hahaha I'm definitely the coolest kid on the BLOCK!

Until the Next Song,
Zoë

I Want To Have Your Babies

Feeling A Little: Serene
Playing A Little: The Best Note Ever by Captain Chaos
Recommending A Little: Anarbour

So. Two weeks huh. This is kind of it. Like for good. My last first day in this little city. That sounds bizarre but that's okay, I am allowed to be this happy. I mean this is it. The last September I'll walk through the halls. The last time I throw my books into those lockers for the first time. The last time I'm super lame like this. :P I'm just really excited because I got a glimpse of University this summer and realized I'm definitely not going to be disappointed when I do go.

:D Kay so little happy dance for me. I'm actually doing it, losing weight that is. I always am like I will this time but this time I am and you can tell. It kind of really boosted my confidence. Sure I'm not where I'd like to be or even remarkable close but I'm determined this year. Just so that at university I'm not worried about me above everything else. It makes me proud to say that I am, to have my pants not staying up. :D My friggen sisters help in the rudest way, "Did you lose weight in Edmonton? You look less round." It was one of those compliments reversed by an insult.

Urgh I want my school schedule so badly. I want to fix it and get my binders ready. Its actually slowly killing me. I have my post-its ready to be stuck on, dividers ready to go in... But I don't know what colour my binders should be (Now my classes have colours that I recognize for that class, Red- Physics, Blue- Chem, Black- English/ Social, Light Blue- Languages (Second semester French gets a new colour though)) I'm like slowly dying not being able to super organize. Its crazy I know.

Oh and I changed my undergrad again... Major-French, Minor- Latin, Summers- Med School prerecs. I figure I can get work better with two languages (well 3 but what person needs a doctor who speaks Latin?) and I really want to continue them and don't want to take a science degree. I've actually decided. Dr. Vatter. :D Or well whatever it is after 15 years of school. :P If its still Vatter I'd better get on it or at least start with having kids.

On the topic of children I realized I'd be the worst mother ever. I mean my dream for their education is to send them to the most stuffy conservative (not the political conservative *shudder*) private school where because of that they have to wear the worst uniforms ever and they will hate me for it in school but afterward will thank me... or not but I'll love them. :D I'm sure my hubby will agree... with a few threats ;) Aw... could you imagine little boys in little uniforms and ties in kindergarten/ grade 1? Just that would make it worthwhile. Oh and their names will be terrible too apparently. I think I need to change them though. I still like Dimitri but Dominick and Daemon might need a change. Although my girls will be Charlotte and Abigail that hasn't changed yet. :D I think I just added another child to my list... mon dieu. Only 4 max.

Well school, babies and me... thats about all that is on my mind. Now I'm going to clean because my room is a mess and bloody bugging me. Ugh.

Until the Next Song,
Zoë

Drunken Karaoke and Teaching the Next Generation

Feeling A Little: Bored...
Playing A Little: State to State by Goodnight Anthem

Recommending A Little: Shane Dawson (He makes music... I suppose. :P I love his videos check him out on YouTube)

I feel special now I have 3 people who care what I put on my blog. :D I'm movin' through the ranks. And soon I'm even going to have a vlog AND a website. Aren't I getting into this whole technology thing. I think its because I'm so bored I've taken to watch YouTube for hours and hours a day. But regardless I figure I'll try my hand at the web community. Who knows perhaps they will love me. Or not. Either way I'm sure it'll be fun.

So I'm going home on Saturday. Does not sound that far away which is exciting and saddening. I mean I had to say an awkward goodbye today. Its really hard to say goodbye to someone that you've only know for 6 weeks. I get a lot of "It was nice to meet you" Which sounds weird as I'm 16 and like it really mattered that you met me. Although it might be nice to have a real meal again. Last night I had salmon and chicken broth. I didn't feel like anything else apparently. Its my new diet, eat next to nothing. Works I suppose but I want food cooked for me and a dishwasher to wash my dishes. Oh the comforts of home. But with 4 days left I really don't want to have to bother with buying food I want. I need to get rid of this salmon before I leave.

Hmm it'll be weird to be back I am sure. I mean at home I can definitely do a lot more... and hopefully save more. I need to begin a saving spree. Goal $10,000. Likelihood of achieving goal: Next to none. But hopefully close. And even if I don't get $10,000 cash I would like that in scholarships. Helpful, very. I need to really buckle down and get some scholarships if I ever want to be able to pay for school. But hopefully I can do it. I will have my coaching money coming in and hopefully I can coach a little more than just Jaws.

I am actually SO excited for the school year to start. :D It'll be so much fun I am sure and especially if I get to coach again. As much as I hate that my hours got cut back at Shoppers it means I get to teach swimming again something that I always loved. The email is sent so I'm definitely coaching if they need any one. School is going to be awesome this year too. I'm going to make extra sure. :D Come on its my last year got to make sure its AMAZING.

Oh and part-ay on! I'm so psyched for my party. I'm going to see if we can have alcohol because I want to do some drunken karaoke and dance dance. Now that will be wonderful to see and I'll definitely make sure my camera is there so I may remember something. ;) Although Lincoln might be able to come which means I'd have to make sure to not get too drunk to be a gracious host. Hahaha hopefully my dad loves me enough to let me but who knows.

Now I'm going to get in trouble soon for not even pretending to work so I'm going to head off and do that. :D

Until the Next Song,

Zoë

Rock On All Summer Long

Feeling A Little: Emotional
Playing A Little: G-get up and dance by Faber Drive
Recommending A Little: All American Rejects and Fall Out Boy (LIVE! :D)

So I have a more normal blog if you want to check it out. www.nerdfighters.ning.com. Search for me I'm Zoe Vatter. :D Well it may not be more normal but its for more people to see so it may make more sense. Its nice to be back in an internet community so I'm having fun. Maybe I'll join the LeakyLounge again because it was a blast. :D I do enjoy social networks where I don't know people.

Oh god I've gotten scarily emotional today. I started sobbing when I was texting Lincoln... about him being famous. So not really sob worthy. I like randomly start crying today for no particular reason either. Pregnancy you know... ;) I knew I should have started birth control... haha. Seriously though if I'm pregnant death. Now any ways...In 10 years undeath. OMG! I'll actually be done med school by the time I'm 30. YES! Then I can have my babies before their risk of Downs is too bad. *Party*

But I'm hooome... at least for the weekend. :D Yay! Its not THAT exciting but its nice to be back in my own bed and see my dad and even my sisters again. Then Lincoln is coming tonight so who knows what trouble we'll get into. ;) I'm just excited to see him again. I do have to admit I missed him a little and may miss him a little more when he ditches for Victoria. :( I'm going to miss everyone... okay so two people but right now that's everyone to me.

I actually think I might miss Edmonton and even the U of A. Its kind of starting to feel like home. I have my routine and I'm becoming quite fond of grocery shopping. Sure my diet is terrible and in the first time in 5 weeks I ate red meat but I mean chicken is good for you, salmon is too just expensive... Sure I'm a loner and next to no one knows me. Which I suppose is just my mood this summer. I'm content with the friends I have and the dynamics I have so I've decided to just have the experience. Well I suppose that is wrong. My lab knows me and likes me I think. I'm learning about Indian culture which is awesome. Bollywood movies sound fantastic.

Its really been a rocking summer with concerts and lots of fun. I thought HYRS might wreck it because I mean working all summer... but its not. Its really fun and educational. I love working in the lab and doing stuff outside it is so much fun. I mean next Saturday I'm going to a karaoke party. That will be so funny. Although I really haven't made any good friends I think I will miss people. I'll make sure to at least do one stint at AHFMR as Dr. Vatter one day. :D

Until the Next Song,
Zoë

Have I Really Joined The Couple's Boat?

Feeling A Little: Confused... Very confused.
Playing A Little: I'm In Miami, Bitch by LMAO
Recommending A Little: Lauren Fairweather (She rocks my socks off.)

Okay... so I'm not single... I think I'm getting used to saying that....sort of. Its weird because its not like I have any proof to being taken. I mean my... I don't even know what to call him, Patrick because that is his name, lives across the country and we don't know what each other looks like... We definitely know about each other as 5 hours a night talking to each other will do that, well I suppose to a degree. I suppose one day we'll meet because I actually do want to now... Next summer because god knows I won't have time this year... Perhaps I can convince daddy to let me go off to Uni there earlier. ;)

I'm not confused over that... its the fact that I don't want to be in a relationship. I know I moan and bitch about wanting a boyfriend and all that shit but now I retract it all. I liked being single. I was cool with it... Now I am stuck with someone who lives across the country, who is so sweet but still, why couldn't it be at home... Haha maybe because its here. But I suppose I can live, not like I was expecting getting a boyfriend this year. Plus at least then when I go off to school I'll know someone.

I must admit though I let my imagination get carried away. Since I've embraced my unsingle status I've gone into fantasy land. Not like scary, we're going to get married and have children but more in depth into our house chat. Weird right talking about getting a house together, whatever I am safe over the internet. Plus I did my stalking he's real. I guess thinking about being in a relationship its nice... when you aren't across the country but 1 year. :D One year until my life really gets rolling. I think being able to look forward to him will help my year along. And talking to him... as random and geeky as he can be at times. I do make him out to be perfect but I know he's not as I can give many examples... but who is and right now he's perfect for me.

I've been reading a little bit on internet stuff and I love the comments. I feel like at little 14 year old girl with this "relationship." This one comment was like "There is no such thing as an "Internet Boyfriend". There is however someone who jacks off while you send him dirty E-Mail. Go see him at your own risk." That one makes me smile... because perhaps I like that thought. Plus should I ever meet him I'm not going there just for him. School hopefully. Queen's sounds amazing and the dorms are really nice so cross my fingers. My life may just turn around to be perfect after all!

Oh but I am psyched. Back to school in a month! Woo... I know nerd... but this is my LAST year. Like after this I could quit school if I wanted... not that I do because apparently doctors need schooling, weird right? :P But this year its Latin all year which makes me excited, perhaps not for the class but I do enjoy the language. And I'm back in French so hopefully I can get a few more DELFs done. If need be I can call up Garret and demand he let me practice my french... or find someone who speaks it fluently closer to home. :D Sounds like I'll be busy in school, Latin, French and preMed. Exciting. But a bilingual doctor will be helpful (Well trilingual but what person teaches their child Latin...)

So life is actually going pretty good. I have to do a few appointments when I get home but no big deal. Plus one of them may actually make my life better. ;)Oh god I really do hope I can meet Patrick in real life... After I gain some confidence and lose a little bit of weight and tone up. But that's my goal, and now I actually have someone to look good for. :D

Until the Next Song,
Zoë

I Think I'm In Love... with Ontario

Feeling A Little: In Love ♥
Playing A Little: I Hope You're Proud by Jamestown Story
Recommending A Little: Marianas Trench/ Stereos (They both rock live)

Okay okay I know terrible. Liking a guy who lives in Ontario. Even more terrible considering going to school in Ontario. But its like not even considering anymore. I'm too scared of Vancouver so I don't want to go to UBC as much anymore. Since I've decided to be a doctor I am looking at good med schools and Queen's is tied with UBC. Plus it'll be kind of nice to experience the other side of Canada. But I'm looking into Eastern schools because I want a change and a fresh start. Cambridge is kind of one of those things that I want to try for but if I fail I won't be too broken hearted.

Now to the boy. I'm torn... Like realistically I highly doubt it'll work/ last. Although we have gotten into some pretty deep responsible talks... Which its good to see that there is more than just sex in our "relationship." Its kind of nice to always have that person waiting... Sure I can be quite... wild online talking to him but still when we converse normally we seem to get along fine. He kind of lets me get out that otherside of me that stays hidden under a blush a lot of the time. Perhaps its just the fact that he lives across the country but I don't know I think I like him a bit... :P Well and he is so romantic its sweet... well until I ruin it with an innuendo. ;)

So far its been fun to be able to do what I want and whenever I want. Like tonight I get to go do... well I actually have no clue what we are doing. :D Wander Whyte Ave or something to that effect. Like on Tuesday I rocked out to Marianas Trench and Stereos that was a blast because I caught a random pikachu and that's how we found ourselves on the giant screen. It was so much fun and I touch Josh. Which was my first celebrity that I've ever touched. Its been a blast to be here.

I must say though at the beginning I thought this program would be a downer I mean in a lab all day working... And now... well I'm typing this at work. There really isn't much for me to do so I sit on a computer and amuse myself all day. Its pretty fun and sure I've learnt a lot and discovered where I want to go in life but its really been more me goofing off. :D Its been a more fantastic summer than I could have imagined stuck in GP or even off somewhere where my dad feels he should drag us to. I mean I totally got drunk again, even though I definitely was not trying, I got in at 3am when I had work at 8. I've gotten in usually at 12 most nights... Its so much fun.

Its nice having freedom... And I don't mind residence which leads me to my university rant again. AH! I am so excited. Like one more month and I can apply to university. It'll be a blast I mean once I've applied all I have to do is wait and then decided... which I've forced myself into a corner with. I always have my heart set on one university and now I've picked 3 so which one do I pick if I get into them all!? But I figure I'll get into one of them right. :P And I've decided to not be such a stuck up snob and to stay in residence. Its cool and so I could deal with it for a while... and of course if its that terrible and I'm at Queen's I could always act on that house idea he had. ;) Not that I'd mind christening it.... hahaha Sex addict me. :P

Until the Next Song,
Zoë

Enamored, Exams and Naked Boys

Feeling A Little: Mellow
Playing A Little: Brahsky (I Hate You) by The Maddigans
Recommending A Little: The Maddigans (And some partying with Aerial Underground)

This boy is driving me mad. I want him so badly but he is across the country. Why on earth does the only boy who takes an interest in me have to live in Ontario? Oh and he's English so uhhh I'm so weak in the knees whenever he says mate or brilliant. Why cruel world must you be even more cruel? I'd do anything for my crush back home to pay me the same attention. Sure he talks to me but do I get a "hot stuff" or a "sweet dreams, hun" when I sign on or off. No I get a "hi." and a "Bye" It just doesn't compare. We even do the corny <3 thing at the end of our conversations...

Argh and so I was like "I'm too lazy to do my SATs" so I didn't do them and just won't go to the US... but I WANT to go to the UK... guess what! More tests. I have to take my BioMedical Assesment Test (BMAT). This November. I'm making sure I have both my sciences then. They are like MCATs but not after a few years as an undergrad which I suppose is a blessing and a curse. Once I'm in I'm in but I also have to study my ass off. Like I need 110% to make up for my lacking grades... Oh why didn't I work in class... Because I'm a lazy ass. :P But I've kind of gotten psyched about it. Finally settling down and deciding on a career.

Then I am just a party animal... when I'm not lame at home. Seriously I went out and got drunk again. I was very responsible this time and handed my glasses and keys to Garret. A little confused about the keys seeing as we were out in the country. Then I spent too much time explaining why people called him Gary not Garret. Oh I love my drunken stories... I also like how he didn't mind. Which is sweet. :D Oh and naked men again! Haha I just see a lot of them apparently.

Then I got to dissect a rat! Killed the brain stem :( But its a fickle thing, one poke and poof gone. Plus I apparently did very well for not needing any instruction the second time round. :D Its really neat being in the lab... Okay so it can get really boring like now and I write blog posts but haha. This one's been sitting forever waiting for me to finish so I've decided to finish it... And of course start another. :D

Until the Next Song,
Zoë

With nothing but a T-shirt on I never felt so beautiful, baby as I do now.

Feeling A Little: In love ♥
Playing A Little: With You by Goodnight Sunrise
Recommending A Little: Rockin' Romance (A cover CD of love songs. :D)

Oh god I know, getting swept up in emotions for a boy who lives across the country... Not a good idea. He makes me feel like it is a good idea not because we'd go at it like rabbits (not a terrible down side ;)) but he is really sweet and we get along nicely. Sure everyone is a little different on the internet but it can't be too terrible. I figure I'll actually meet him because really what harm can come of it. (Death really but truthfully I'm dead then and so I won't care.) Plus we had a chat about harmfulness which he started and was sweet.

So this blog I told myself would not be about Patrick (Ontario boy, I seriously love how there are so many Patricks), all this blog. I did get a heart <3>

My week is chalked full of everything. Work. Then social event. Wednesday Harry Potter! Which I am so pumped for after reading the Metro article (Oh yeah city chic now, grab a newspaper on my way to work... then gossip about it with my coworkers :D) with Tom Felton and it looks better than the other ones. But I'm not too entirely hopeful because I've had my hopes dashed before. Then Thursday football game. :D I'm going to cheer on the guests because I like BC better. Then Friday there is a show in Drayton Valley, where I probably get to part-ay with a band again. My weekend is kind of a downer though because Patrick is off in Toronto and can't talk and so no fun late night "play dates." Although perhaps then I can catch up on my sleep a bit.

Work is going good though. I may get to kill and dice... kay well we don't dice them we dissect them for their brain stem and spinal cord. Which I may be able to try. Not that it will be anywhere good enough for a set up but you need to start somewhere. It can get pretty boring at times so I need to start remembering my book. Although thank god for my iPod and internet that keeps me entertain most of the time. I'm not excited for Monday when there is actually nothing to do. :D But I understand what is going on now so it makes it more interesting. I helped edit a poster my mentor and supervisor are taking to Japan. I wish I was going to Japan, I need to learn these things...

Ugh now I have to go sit by a laundry machine for a couple hours. I'm so excited! Ha ha ha I can fall asleep and dream about my lover in Ontario, who I swear on my life I have never referred to as my boyfriend regardless of what Lincoln says. I like half consider it a relationship. So according to facebook its complicated. At least until I meet him.

Until the Next Song,
Zoë

Ontario Here I Come?!

Feeling A Little: Confused!
Playing A Little: Break Your Little Heart by All Time Low
Recommending A Little: Nothing Personal, All Time Low's new CD (Rocks my socks)

Okay... so I'm renting a house next year while going to Queen's University with some guy I met over the internet. Sounds safe yes? :P I don't understand me! At all! Like I am usually not so... creepy. Apparently though with the promise of sex all the time I am sold. Jesus Christ I'm a whore. I don't know what he looks like. I don't know if he is actually 17. I've been sucked into the evil vortex that is my sex drive.

According to Facebook though I am losing my virginity at 17 so we are on track. :P I don't get it! Like he is actually really nice when we aren't talking about sex its good. But then we cyber which is all good. Then we have our me moving to Kingston talks. Which actually are very mature and planned out, if we knew each other in real life. What is wrong with me. Lincoln says its because of the animosity we have but I really don't think so. I think its me being horny and wanting the only guy who seems to want me now. Plus if I went to Queen's I would know someone already. In Cambridge (which if I get in I'm going that boy can move his ass back to England if that is the case) and UBC I wouldn't know any one.

I looked at Queen's the rank with UBC for medical school so its good and I wouldn't have to go to Vancouver. Sure I'd have to give up Latin but I never did think it would be a lucrative career. It'll help me in biology and medicine. That's reason B for learning it, A of course being its fucking Latin. Seriously now I am settling down into my medicine aspirations. Dr. Zoe. I love it. 15 years of school but I love biology, I love the human body. :D

Expensive yes but I'm beginning to like this Canada thing. We need doctors here so why not be a doctor here. Canada may not be the best country in the world in the eyes of others but looking at it in my perspective I love it. I think it is the best. But that's my nationalist view. ;) Oh yeah social 20. It has good health care, better if I am a doctor, we are insanely rich for having a population smaller than several cities, and we are actually pretty put together in the government department. More than I can say for the rest of the world. :D

So I'm staying in Canada. Don't know if I'll take the crazy leap to live in Ontario but who knows. I am spontaneous at times and its not like I'm going there soley for a boy. Who is my soul mate BTW. Sorry teenage moment but he's really cool and like matches my crazy sex-ness. :D But its a good small school that looks like it would be fun to go to and I don't hate Ontario THAT much. It'll be cool to see the country as I road trip across it because it would be so expensive to ship my stuff and like $200 to road trip it across.(Kay more... but still it would be a neat trip.)

Aw. So I'm finishing my confusing blog in which I didn't even express my main confusion; am I technically in a relationship if I am planning to get a house and live in it with another person? Or am I just crazy? But we are actually having a conversation about like us as people... rather than just cybering. Its kind of new and neat. I like it.

Until the Next (Crazy) Song,
Zoë

Naughty Dirty Sex Kitten (Zoë...? :P)

Feeling A Little: :D Smiling.
Playing A Little: The Sign by Teen Hearts
Recommending A Little: Rancid

So first day in the lab. That was the longest day I have ever had in my life. 7 hours reading the same 21 pages over and over. By the end I am sure I know every word, just not what every word means. :D But its like the most lax lab ever. One... er two with mine lab coats and no one knows where the safety goggles are. :D Dangerous. But rats! That's going to fun and cute I am sure... Because I don't think I have to kill them, humanely of course. But thank goodness.

Argh! I want my campus card now! Parking is so expensive when you can't prove you are staff and my payroll info is still not through. :( I want to swim for free and park for cheap. I need to get in shape before my roll in the hay. ;)

... and that brings me to the boy. The boy that its terrible but I would seriously sleep with him. He is nice, 17, and from Ontario. I know bummer. But he has an English accent... or so I am told. I adore our conversations. Its innuendo after innuendo. He's fun to talk to because unlike most boys he plays back. Other boys are like oh okay, then change the subject, or are gay. I don't think its exactly cybering but its getting pretty damn close at times. We have scenarios just not exceeding detailed ones. He's "my toy" and I'm his "sex kitten." God I never thought the internet could bring me such joy. But that's weird because he lives across the country.

Buuut back to work. It'll be fun when I get into it but today was exceedingly dull. Like fall asleep dull, which I did. Hopefully tomorrow I can stay awake but again I am up late talking to my darling toy. ;) Even if it doesn't get better I can suffer through boredom for education and that reference letter. This blog was short but I'm off having other conversations now. ;)

Until the Next Song,
Zoë

Stranger: hi. i have a 9.3 inch dick. im 16 and not gay

Feeling A Little: Booooored to Death
Playing A Little: H-O-A-R by Bo Burnham
Recommending A Little: sXephil on YouTube. (I think he's funny any ways)OH and Omegle meet your own stranger.

So I'm talking to a random boy in Scotland. It was kind of a nice little boost to my self esteem when we passed the picture stage. He's not that terrible looking either. Plus I am sure he has the accent that makes them so adorable. Them... look at me being mean to those Scottish. :P He gave purpose to my night, which was otherwise going to be spent slitting my wrists to amuse myself. I was that bored... kay not THAT bored. Yet.

Its like 3 AM over there too. Time stamp my blog a little so I might get this up before editing it half a dozen times then ending up deleting it because its irrelevant. Because I do that a lot. But tonight I am bored so I will make this meaningless blog post. Its better than learning about 9.3 inch dick on omegle. Kay its not but its something to do while talking to Scottish dude on MSN. Oh being on chat sites being 16 is terrible. So I'm being 17 because apparently its a happy medium. :D I really wanted to find some creep to talk to me.... and continue without that stupid "Do you have a web cam" question.

Now its some dude in Ontario. This is a fun site. It is keeping me amused. Especially dinosaur guy who told me he was a dinosaur in bed then disconnected. I like telling people I live in the dorms. :D Although some people take it as an open invitation that we should get it on... even though they live halfway across the world. If they fly here I told them that I'm game. Because really a) who will and b) I'm not giving out my room number so if they are that dedicated I think they at least deserve a treat. ;) Goodness when did I turn into a whore. Ha ha.

So that was like an account of my beautiful night. Ontario boy is giving me tips on how to entertain in my dorm room. I'm sure it will come in handy when I do eventually get a boy back to my room. :P Ha ha ha I forgot that guy who came on asked my asl then told me he had a hard on and asked me what to do about it. I told him that some porn and his hand should do the job. :P I'm terrible. He thought so too.

Wow when I said this was a meaningless blog I meant it. Goodness its terrible. Its like me reaccounting my conversations for 2 hours. Not really interesting. Although here it can have some meaning; there are Frat houses in Canada. I did not know that. Then Garret wouldn't stop so that we could be their frisbee, Gen and I that is. I don't know that Garret would want to be their frisbee. :D But that whole night of getting lost in the city was so amusing. I loved hanging out with those two and I wish Gen could have stayed longer. (Oh "crazy englishman" his words, invited me to go live in Kingston, Ontario. Ha ha. I love him seriously he cracks me up.) Buuut before I get like "I am closing my eyes now, now I am falling asleep, I'm thinking of him, oh god!" I'm going to go because you don't want that, and it would be weird.

Until the Next Song,
Zoë

♥ Cambridge I'm Dreaming Of Only You

Feeling A Little: Boooored
Playing A Little: Love Drunk by Boys Like Girls (Died when I found out they have a new single and it rocks my fucking socks off.)
Recommending A Little: The Cure (Just because I finished The Last Days and that was the last chapter and the also rock my socks off.)

Uh oh! I'm broken. :( Stupid insurance. Annnd I don't get paid until the end of July. Buut bonus on the U of A's weird payroll thing I get paid at the very end of August so that means lots of money to tide me over in case I don't get a job right away. And when I say a lot of money... I mean a lot. :D Its ridiculous how much I get paid for the summer. My job sounds like more fun than work. I'd work 40 hour weeks if they'd let me (which they do... to an extent. :D)

Ah! On Monday I get to actually start work and meet my "mentor" aka the dude who's experiment it is and decided that I could come in his lab but I get shoved onto a post grad or a graduate. :D Not that I'll mind as it'll be fun and its not like I expected me and my professor would be BFFs and study the rat closely together laughing. I had to take a biomedical safety course too. :P Perhaps my lab will be as cool as Allison's and be negative air pressure and level 2 biohazard. Which is intense ish... :D She just can't eat the ameoba. I know it'll be hard when she is hungry. :D

I am so pumped to start. Mostly because I am so bored. Ivan, Gary and I were supposed to go out and do something... but Edmonton has nothing to do so we stayed in our dorm rooms like losers... all in our own dorm rooms too. :D So first day and a bit I was anti social but apparently I decided not to be. I again seem to be making more guy friends than girls. What is with me? I am like this guy friend addict. Perhaps its because girls are fucking bitches and whine too much. Hypocritically whine too. Sorry can you tell I'm pissed at a girl right now? :P

Its kind of odd living alone now too. I can kind of do whatever the hell I want... which is nothing now that I am broke as can be. :D Its parkings fault. $5 a day adds up to a fair chunk of my change. Ohh and it does NOT help that I am getting my period and craving chocolate like crazy. Like when I typed chunks I thought chips ahoy and mmm those delicious chocolate chips. Perhaps tomorrow when I go get pasta I'll buy chocolate. Yeah smart move on my part, bought the pasta sauce and no pasta. I'm just awesome like that. :D

I am also pretty sure that that "have 8 glasses of water a day" thing LIES. I'm dehydrated and I've drunken much more than 8 glasses today. But I still pee like a maniac. Jesus Christ my body needs to learn to make ADH, and STAT. Oh that reminds me of doctors which my RA (residence advisor) is. He is awesome though, because he just graduated and is doing his residency for dermatology... after taking his PhD in immunology at Oxford. What a weird switch. But who knows what I may be like if I go into medicine. :D Do them all. Ha ha ha well apparently there is a Vatter H and Vatter P who have written and published papers on brain stuff. Exciting I am sure if I knew who they were. We were doing practice searches for medical journals today. Zzz. But I'm on the payroll now so boo yeah! Staff at a university.

Until the Next Song,
Zoë

Sitting On A Suitcase, Waiting For The Train

Feeling A Little: Ready to Rock and Roll!
Playing A Little: Shake It, You're On Fire by Bad News Bears
Recommending A Little: CAKE

I leave in 14 hours. Weird. I'll be gone for 6 weeks. 6 weeks alone. By my lonesome. Budgeting and grocery shopping. Deciding whether I should eat or watch Harry Potter (HP of course. Can't miss spoiling the movie :D) I'm really excited and nervous... Nervous because I definitely am bringing a ton. Sure half of it won't be returning with me but still its a ton. And I feel weird carrying around a laundry basket. I'm sure I won't be the only one but still it looks like a lot of stuff... Probably because it is. :D

I should get on my driving playlist pretty lickity split because I don't want to listen to crap for 4 hours. :P Or the same thing over and over and over. Plus I need stuff to jam along too so I can sing and be a crazy lady attempting to amuse herself on a highway on a loooong trip. I'll like end up weeping in the middle because I'll think about EVERYTHING and then get to the sad/ depressing stuff. Could you imagine driving past this lady just sobbing in her car... weird sight I am sure.

OMG I am sooo happy I took Biology 30. This summer I am dealing with like all action potientals, the medulla oblingata and the lungs and neurons. I would be so screwed over if I didn't because that's like all I am doing. Perhaps I'll redo my diploma with the awesome skillz I obtain over the summer :D

Ah and I am supposed to find my soul mate soon... I vote he be a summer student from a different country who is so amazed by my awesomeness he stays in Canada. Because I'd miss him if he had to go home and he is obviously my soul mate so we'll have to marry and have my 4 kids. :P Well thats weird I know. I'm not really expecting a soul mate just some summer fun... or a cute boy to lust after.

Now I must finish packing and probably actually make that playlist. :D Then off to the big city to learn so shit about the respiratory system and perinatal rats. :D I'm so excited. I love Bio to death.

Until the Next Song,
Zoë

Slid 'er Right In, That's Gooood

Feeling A Little: Impatient
Playing A Little: I'll Take Famous Murders For 50 by Watchout! Theres Ghosts
Recommending A Little: The Fratellis

Ugh so mini rant on my father. So I was upstairs printing at 10 PM... I didn't think that was a big deal. My sisters and I were doing our little snipping at each other playfully and my computer was being slow so I was becoming frustrated. Then he just goes off screaming and yelling. So... I didn't get to print so I stormed downstairs pissed at my dad for being so grumpy. Well I got over it pretty quick so I was putting along on my computer when I get called upstairs. Now I understand how my puppy feels now when I force him to come to me to scold him. I was called upstairs to get yelled at even more for something I had just gotten yelled at. Because I interrupted my "darling" daddy's 4 hours of down time. If I barely get 4 hours of down time in a school week I think he needs to get the fuck over it. When I get home I have to do homework. Sleeping is my down, calm down time. He should learn that.

But now its summer! I am sort of packed now too. So yay! Really I am doing laundry and organizing things. Although my laundry basket is going to be another "suitcase" for me to carry a whole bunch of crap. This is going to suck ass when I do this for real. I'll end up throwing out half my life to fit in a box. I mean my books... nope... my memory box nope... What's going to happen! I'll end up starting over with a box of clothes and my laptop. :D Randomly I might have two beds in my room. Its a single but apparently the U of A feels that singles need to have two beds. Sleepovers. ;)

Oddly enough the thing I am most excited for is putting my laptop in its case. :D Its an awesome case so I'm excited to slid 'er in. Its polka doted and I bought it from an apple store... and its taken me 1.5 months to have the opportunity to use it. Next year I'll bring my lap top to school everyday... Just to use that case. I'm really weird but that's okay. :D Its 4 in the morning and I can't sleep again so I'm allowed to be.

I've fallen into my I'm so excited I can't sleep patterns again. Not fun because a) no sleep and b) what do I do with myself with more time!? Perhaps get things done... :P Well I do need an Ethernet cord for internet, and my wheels done... but I could do that just as easily with a full nights sleep! It'll take all of an hour to get that all done. One a quick side note. :( My students achieve updated and I am no longer taking any classes. Pretty exciting actually. One more year! and... 1 day until I get to leave! Whoopee!

Until the Next Song,
Zoë

Congratulations! It's a BOY!

Feeling A Little: Psyched (Remember when that was something to make fun of someone. "Psych!")
Playing A Little: Hot Air Balloon by Owl City
Recommending A Little: Repo! The Genetic Opera (Hilarious movie... Horror musical)

I am so... 3 days! :D Well by the time this gets up it'll probably be 2! But I'm actually going. I think with only days to go it really set in. Like I bought laundry detergent today! (Expensive that stuff I bought the cheapy on sale stuff. :D... and my dryer sheets probably suck because they were $2) Its so close my anxiety has gone away and now its just me being nervous about being able to pack everything... and afford food. :D Who knows, perhaps I will come back thin as can be because I can't afford food. :P Good weight loss strategy I am sure, no food mean no cravings, which means no weight gain... or energy.

Goodness I'm going to miss this town weirdly enough. I think being able to drive made it 10x more bareable. I mean I can now go down to the river and bring my puppies to swim. :D Or go with my two friends... and have mud rubbed in my hair for a "mask." Or laugh at Ryan for being a sissy and not coming in the water... even though my going in the water was accidental. Slipped and totally fell on my ass. I have this obsession with water and the river is kind of fun to mess around in.

But getting out of here will be nice, mostly my dad. Good god. One minute we are joking around (about me cutting myself too) and then he is yelling at me. I cannot even begin to adjust to the moods. Like usually I am prepared... not when one minute he is laughing, then yelling. Or like I was just talking to him on the couch and he started yelling at me for giving him attitude... when we were just discussing how I am almost done work. I think he may be pregnant I am afraid to say. When he is expecting? I have no idea, but I hope its a boy. :D

I think Lincoln infected me... Out of the last 4 movies I've rented 3 have been horror films (the other was Shopaholic but I like it). Ed Westwick in one, gorgeous Chase Crawford in another and then Repo... but Repo was hilarious because Paris Hilton's face fell off and they like didn't talk... they sang. It was terrible but funny. Although I think I was broken too. I don't jump in them any more. Like at the jumpy moments I am like oh... ah? They are kind of predictable... but I still watch them for some reason. I'm not a movie person so thats my genre of this spirt of movie loving.

Ah but in 10 hours I begin my last shift at Shoppers until the fall... Weird. Maybe they will like me so much they'll want to keep me and I'll go to that scary Concordia High School on campus that is like god obsessed. :D One can wish. AND perhaps they will be like "Zoe god who needs physics all you need is some bio" and I can reply that I have it and then they will keep me without me needing a medical degree... ahhhh well one can hope right?

Now I need to be making a playlist. Maybe I should make a blog playlist... OR update that I recommend thing I have > there. Its probably been a LONG while. :D Well any ways I need 4 hours of music... I have 2 days to pick from so I think I can do it. Better get a move on though.

Until the Next Song,
Zoë