Sitting On A Suitcase, Waiting For The Train

Feeling A Little: Ready to Rock and Roll!
Playing A Little: Shake It, You're On Fire by Bad News Bears
Recommending A Little: CAKE

I leave in 14 hours. Weird. I'll be gone for 6 weeks. 6 weeks alone. By my lonesome. Budgeting and grocery shopping. Deciding whether I should eat or watch Harry Potter (HP of course. Can't miss spoiling the movie :D) I'm really excited and nervous... Nervous because I definitely am bringing a ton. Sure half of it won't be returning with me but still its a ton. And I feel weird carrying around a laundry basket. I'm sure I won't be the only one but still it looks like a lot of stuff... Probably because it is. :D

I should get on my driving playlist pretty lickity split because I don't want to listen to crap for 4 hours. :P Or the same thing over and over and over. Plus I need stuff to jam along too so I can sing and be a crazy lady attempting to amuse herself on a highway on a loooong trip. I'll like end up weeping in the middle because I'll think about EVERYTHING and then get to the sad/ depressing stuff. Could you imagine driving past this lady just sobbing in her car... weird sight I am sure.

OMG I am sooo happy I took Biology 30. This summer I am dealing with like all action potientals, the medulla oblingata and the lungs and neurons. I would be so screwed over if I didn't because that's like all I am doing. Perhaps I'll redo my diploma with the awesome skillz I obtain over the summer :D

Ah and I am supposed to find my soul mate soon... I vote he be a summer student from a different country who is so amazed by my awesomeness he stays in Canada. Because I'd miss him if he had to go home and he is obviously my soul mate so we'll have to marry and have my 4 kids. :P Well thats weird I know. I'm not really expecting a soul mate just some summer fun... or a cute boy to lust after.

Now I must finish packing and probably actually make that playlist. :D Then off to the big city to learn so shit about the respiratory system and perinatal rats. :D I'm so excited. I love Bio to death.

Until the Next Song,
Zoë

Slid 'er Right In, That's Gooood

Feeling A Little: Impatient
Playing A Little: I'll Take Famous Murders For 50 by Watchout! Theres Ghosts
Recommending A Little: The Fratellis

Ugh so mini rant on my father. So I was upstairs printing at 10 PM... I didn't think that was a big deal. My sisters and I were doing our little snipping at each other playfully and my computer was being slow so I was becoming frustrated. Then he just goes off screaming and yelling. So... I didn't get to print so I stormed downstairs pissed at my dad for being so grumpy. Well I got over it pretty quick so I was putting along on my computer when I get called upstairs. Now I understand how my puppy feels now when I force him to come to me to scold him. I was called upstairs to get yelled at even more for something I had just gotten yelled at. Because I interrupted my "darling" daddy's 4 hours of down time. If I barely get 4 hours of down time in a school week I think he needs to get the fuck over it. When I get home I have to do homework. Sleeping is my down, calm down time. He should learn that.

But now its summer! I am sort of packed now too. So yay! Really I am doing laundry and organizing things. Although my laundry basket is going to be another "suitcase" for me to carry a whole bunch of crap. This is going to suck ass when I do this for real. I'll end up throwing out half my life to fit in a box. I mean my books... nope... my memory box nope... What's going to happen! I'll end up starting over with a box of clothes and my laptop. :D Randomly I might have two beds in my room. Its a single but apparently the U of A feels that singles need to have two beds. Sleepovers. ;)

Oddly enough the thing I am most excited for is putting my laptop in its case. :D Its an awesome case so I'm excited to slid 'er in. Its polka doted and I bought it from an apple store... and its taken me 1.5 months to have the opportunity to use it. Next year I'll bring my lap top to school everyday... Just to use that case. I'm really weird but that's okay. :D Its 4 in the morning and I can't sleep again so I'm allowed to be.

I've fallen into my I'm so excited I can't sleep patterns again. Not fun because a) no sleep and b) what do I do with myself with more time!? Perhaps get things done... :P Well I do need an Ethernet cord for internet, and my wheels done... but I could do that just as easily with a full nights sleep! It'll take all of an hour to get that all done. One a quick side note. :( My students achieve updated and I am no longer taking any classes. Pretty exciting actually. One more year! and... 1 day until I get to leave! Whoopee!

Until the Next Song,
Zoë

Congratulations! It's a BOY!

Feeling A Little: Psyched (Remember when that was something to make fun of someone. "Psych!")
Playing A Little: Hot Air Balloon by Owl City
Recommending A Little: Repo! The Genetic Opera (Hilarious movie... Horror musical)

I am so... 3 days! :D Well by the time this gets up it'll probably be 2! But I'm actually going. I think with only days to go it really set in. Like I bought laundry detergent today! (Expensive that stuff I bought the cheapy on sale stuff. :D... and my dryer sheets probably suck because they were $2) Its so close my anxiety has gone away and now its just me being nervous about being able to pack everything... and afford food. :D Who knows, perhaps I will come back thin as can be because I can't afford food. :P Good weight loss strategy I am sure, no food mean no cravings, which means no weight gain... or energy.

Goodness I'm going to miss this town weirdly enough. I think being able to drive made it 10x more bareable. I mean I can now go down to the river and bring my puppies to swim. :D Or go with my two friends... and have mud rubbed in my hair for a "mask." Or laugh at Ryan for being a sissy and not coming in the water... even though my going in the water was accidental. Slipped and totally fell on my ass. I have this obsession with water and the river is kind of fun to mess around in.

But getting out of here will be nice, mostly my dad. Good god. One minute we are joking around (about me cutting myself too) and then he is yelling at me. I cannot even begin to adjust to the moods. Like usually I am prepared... not when one minute he is laughing, then yelling. Or like I was just talking to him on the couch and he started yelling at me for giving him attitude... when we were just discussing how I am almost done work. I think he may be pregnant I am afraid to say. When he is expecting? I have no idea, but I hope its a boy. :D

I think Lincoln infected me... Out of the last 4 movies I've rented 3 have been horror films (the other was Shopaholic but I like it). Ed Westwick in one, gorgeous Chase Crawford in another and then Repo... but Repo was hilarious because Paris Hilton's face fell off and they like didn't talk... they sang. It was terrible but funny. Although I think I was broken too. I don't jump in them any more. Like at the jumpy moments I am like oh... ah? They are kind of predictable... but I still watch them for some reason. I'm not a movie person so thats my genre of this spirt of movie loving.

Ah but in 10 hours I begin my last shift at Shoppers until the fall... Weird. Maybe they will like me so much they'll want to keep me and I'll go to that scary Concordia High School on campus that is like god obsessed. :D One can wish. AND perhaps they will be like "Zoe god who needs physics all you need is some bio" and I can reply that I have it and then they will keep me without me needing a medical degree... ahhhh well one can hope right?

Now I need to be making a playlist. Maybe I should make a blog playlist... OR update that I recommend thing I have > there. Its probably been a LONG while. :D Well any ways I need 4 hours of music... I have 2 days to pick from so I think I can do it. Better get a move on though.

Until the Next Song,
Zoë

This Isn't About Men and Women Only Being Equal At Starbucks ;)

Feeling A Little: Relieved
Playing A Little: I Get Weak by Jordan McCoy
Recommending A Little: brokenCYDE (Booty Call and Freaxxx and Sex Toyz otherwise I don't like them much)

Get my drunk on! Woo... I talk a lot about getting drunk... I don't. I've gotten drunk once and drink at Christmas over dinner... and rum and eggnog but I love it... Weirdly it reminds me when I was little and used to sneak sips from my parent's glasses. Nasty. At 7 rum is the grossest thing ever... at 16 I can only handle cheap Captain Morgans because there is like zero alcohol. Alcohol... well I don't get the appeal. Sure there are certain drinks that I like but if they were virign I'd like them better... Mostly because then I could drink as many as I wanted. Woo!

Then I got my email today on residence. I am so excited 6 days and then I am a staff member at a University. Put that on a application and SMOKE IT! Whoopee. You can tell I'm going to exploit this until the middle of August. And until I get into Cambridge... I just need an interview then I can wow them with my smiles and charm... and bribes. :P I am so pumped for January... Make or break my whole year... Kay not really my back up school is a place I love tons so I'll be fine... Now my back back up school is the shits so lets hope I get one of the first two.

Plus I passed Physics. Not my best mark in anything. In fact it tied with something that I got an 87 in... I can't remember which. I am an awful physics person. I try but math should just be theoretical, when I have to put it in real world situations I fail. I start good but then I think about it and its like but why does Fc=Fg. It makes no sense that this jumble of numbers equal another set of numbers because the rope is spinning. But I have 2 months free of physics. Ahh... then life if I don't go become a doctor. Because I'm pretty sure to be a UN translator or ambassador you don't need physics, if you do.... Fuck you. I'm done. Actually I don't know what I am going to use my trilingualness for... because really one of those languages is dead. Dead as a door knob. :D

Oh my career paths... So I want to have a biology degree just because I love human anatomy and take classics and modern languages, PLUS English. So I'll hopefully be proficent in Latin, French and English when I am done my degrees... What I'll use any of it for I have no clue. But who knows this summer I may fall in love with Biomedical research... Knowing me I will. I'll be one of those people who every year will have a new career.

Ugh 30 second rant on crazy bitch driving instructor... she's coming for me tomorrow. Ah! Scary I know. I really want to freak her out with stories of getting in car crashes and that's why my car is so totaled. :P But I won't because she scares me... Although I am so happy she didn't see me today because my side of the road was empty so I was braking and fixing my hair so I probably would've gotten in shit for doing that... because you're not suppose to.

Any who... summer! Thank god I have something to do. Otherwise I'd be fucked because its one afternoon in and I'm bored. :P I hate summer now. Its boring and I like school except the last month because then I just want it to be over. Plus I like starting new courses. I like starting anything new. Spices things up.

Until the Next Song,
Zoë

Bisexual Guinea Pigs, Lizzie McGuire, "Bye!"

Feeling A Little: Ready to rock!
Playing A Little: Sharada by Skye Sweetnam
Recommending A Little: Aerodrone

Thank the lords. I found a song that captures me to a "T" again. This time its not a downer song, like Screening Process by Lauren Fairweather. Sharada is amazing. I love it... and really its me. With my randomness and always having a song stuck in my head. Its a cool feeling relating to a song so much... especially when its not a love song. :D

Well 2.5 exams left... So basically I only got one done but still school has come to those 2.5 exams. It marks the last test I take in the large gym at school, it marks the last of my grade 11 year and the beginning of my grad year. :D This year is going to be a fast ride but I'm determined to keep a smile on my face and keep my head on right. And to skype Lincoln so we can be exceedingly awkward on web cam again. Oh is it awful that I totally wish he'd go now so that I could actually use my skype? :P Go now.

This is going to sound terrible and mean and cold hearted but wait for the explaination. I want him to go so bad and right now. Then my summer won't drag on and I won't have to keep explaining why I'm not giving him a going away present (thats because why would I? Leaving is a stupid reason to get a gift. We don't give people presents when they die and every year after that. We don't celebrate leaving and gifts are celebration). Plus when he is gone that means one motherfucking year until I am done! :D Then I can go out and have my career, and family. Lincoln leaving marks the beginning of my last year. That does sound awesome but I think he deserves to go so bad and I think he should be able to just do it. I would if I had the ambition, but right now I just want to finish high school sane.

Speaking of sanity, dance time! :D I made it through this whole semester without mental mishap! I realized such an achievement the other day. Then I danced because I did it. I achieved my goal. Boogy down. :D I fixed me... sort of. I still get my downer thoughts but I figured out to not and not put it on other people. :P Lincoln and I of course rant and have our discussions which helps.... Oh no! He'll be gone so we can't slowly kill the environment driving around for an hour just being mad. :P Kay so we can grab our laptops and rant while walking around. Plus another goal achieved; my nails! I stopped chewing them and so now I want to rip them off because they are soooo annoying. :D

Lincoln and I sort of made our goodbyes too which was kind of... well sad to say the least. It was probably the worst thing either of us have ever done. Um so we'll talk for a few years then not, I mean I don't see us on a porch when we are 70 talking. Neither of us do. I can see us doing the reunion thing when we are like 40 and there is like some virtual facebook thing. Perhaps we'll be those people who email occasionally but our lives are going in different directions so after university I can't seeing us having much in common. I'll be off having a family and he'll be teaching and saving children in Africa. We have such different things planned that its realistic to think that one day we may not be able to talk.

I'm such a terrible social person. I mean whenever I do something its like the most awkward thing ever. I need to like... well I have no desire to be more sociable though. I like my current friends, I like being geeky and hiding behind a computer. On computerness I just saw an ad for gay wedding cake things. That was hilarious. I love it. :D

Well this blog has been on nothingness. So I bid you adieu and suggest you check out this because bisexualness is cool when its Zachary Quinto.

Until the Next Song,
Zoë

Numbers Have Feelings Too, Especially Mine

Feeling A Little: Smiley
Playing A Little: Saved by All Caps ("I wish I could freeze time and space like Hiro from Heroes")
Recommending A Little: All Caps (Myspace it, now. They are so happy. :D)

He has my number. :D OMG he has my number...weird actually... Kay so now he should text me. :P Well I didn't expect it tonight perhaps tomorrow... I'll bug him on our "walk." Its actually pretty awesome that I was bold enough to be like "We should study together" Props to me. Props not to me for failing a test causing me to want to study even more, actually study. :( I wanted to be like lets study... then an hour later be like lets not and trapeze about this town. Hopefully I can. Cross my fingers I am courageous enough.

So that sort of completed today's goal, ask him on a study date, I got him to add my number, should have gotten his in retrospect but too late. We are going to arrange a time so it'll happen... hopefully, and if not its summer bitches I'm not here. Fall in love in another city I suppose. :D

But summer... ah so wonderful 3.5 exams left. :D Failing the social one I am sure because my teacher is a fucktard and I just cannot seem to do Social multiple choice. But then the other 3 are passable, laughably actually. Physics perhaps not with the greatest mark but hopefully I can maintain my average. Ha ha ha I am so excited for it all to be over. I survived one of my toughest semesters with decent marks. :D Pretty pumped for summer... nervous now because how the fuck do you live on your own? I mean I have to budget. *gasp*

It is going to be awesome any way you slice it, concerts galour and alone in a big city. New people to meet and they are going to be from places near town so I can visit them, hopefully. Plus my car will be fixed so road trips! Its going to be jammed packed of awesome because its one of my lasts. Also I am old now so I can do more, so being able to do more= more awesomeness.

It kind of hit me that I am 16 going on 17 (Ugh Sound of Music quote) and almost an adult and fully a teenager. This hit me while stalled out in the middle of an intersection. I was in a car with someone my own age, not my dad or an older person, someone my own age. Its weird to think that in only a few short years I'm going to be 20, 25, 30. All grown'd up. :( But I've got a year so I'll make the most of the time I have left. Woo!

Until the Next Song,
Zoë

Teenage To Do List Has 2 More Things To Do Then I Can Turn 18

Feeling A Little: Complete
Playing A Little: Swing Life Away by Rise Against
Recommending A Little: Aerial Underground (One of the super awesome bands I hung out with.)

So last night and early this morning was AWESOME. You have to go on a teenage road trip before you turn 18 seriously. I had a blast. An Alberta road trip especially. God our road signs. I love them to death. "Important Intersection Ahead" and the billboard for western provinces to separate. I died of happiness right there.

Then there was Hot Guy... When not around him that is his name because he is unbelievable sexy. Really in person he is the nicest guy ever... broke my porn magazine virginity... but we broke his buying porn virginity so it was awesome. Then there was the naked mohawk drummer guy... that was interesting... That whole night was just epic. Really the best night I've ever had with complete strangers. I know a lot more about everyone than I ever cared to know but you know the more information the easier to stalk.

Oh the stories I could go on about... the road trip, the concert, the fire, the drive back to Garrets house. Doesn't feel like we did a ton but we did enough to make me fall asleep with the biggest smile on my face. Its surreal to think that I partied it up with a band... three bands. :D Lincoln and I are the coolest cats in town.

My fucking driving instructor is back. I thought she was out of my bloody life... Apparently not she loves me too much to let me go. Or hates me. She called me and was like "while we were on a lesson and you were driving you ran a red light. I got the ticket." So being naive was like okay well let me see it and I'll pay it I'm sorry. She was really bitchy about it too. When I picked up she was like "Good news I got a ticket in the mail." She is convinced I suck at driving. I may be inexperience but I am not as irresponsible as some. I try to pay attention and be the best but lets face it I've only had my license for 3 weeks, that does not make for a great driver. I'm still scared of parking lots but I'm more comfortable on the road.

So being scared that my insurance was going to go up I panicked at my dad. He was really mean about me calming down though. He talked me through it. He is going bitch on her ass too. Because logically thinking back it is not my fault. She has a brake and she is the instructor. She is apparently scamming me which now it totally sounds like she is. I'm not to pay anything which I am not complaining about. I was freaking out because my first insurance payment comes out soon and I was panicking about paying for that, gas, and my car. My dad is crazy when people are awful to each other so I'm actually a little frightened for her... he's apparently going to AMA to complain and quite possibly get her fired.

I hate her little bitch self righteousness. She should suck it up and so pretending that she is god. Seriously in our lessons I am sure she almost got us in accidents more than I almost got us in accidents. Like I appreciate that she taught me half of how to drive, like the skills but most of it came from talking to others and observing. I mean on my driver's I probably would have gotten just under 100% if she hadn't taught me horrible road skills, like always keeping in the right lane... Pfft.

She brought down my vibe from last night... :( I probably would've smiled till next week if not for that bitch. Seriously I'm getting back to REALLY happy but still I sobbed myself to sleep in a panic this afternoon because of her. I did it when I was a learner which any violation gets my license taken away so I was worried my driver's could get pulled or that my insurance sky rockets. Nothing happens except she gets whats bloody coming to her.

Although last night mixed with my recrushing on a oldish crush has me smiling again quickly. He and I actually are talking a lot more so the evil crush is back. Nothing is going to happen because I'm going to Edmonton in 2 weeks but I can get his cell number hopefully. Then we can chat all summer. :D Love him to death really. I'm just going to miss that class in general though...

Until the Next Song,
Zoë

Credit Cards Are Not Made For Cutting Up

Feeling A Little: Excited!
Playing A Little: Oh Ottawa by Two Kids Running Away
Recommending A Little: Taking Back Sunday

19 days! Then I get to leave. Perhaps I will feel sad before I go but right now its a new adventure in a new city by myself. Its like a practice run for university, where if I am in trouble I have people to help me... well and I get paid rather than paying. But I am alone. I seriously only feel excitement with a tinge of nervousness. I don't feel sad that I am losing my last summer with Lincoln... I need this not just as a get away but for university.

:D My Cambridge application... looks like :( I don't understand half this crap but I have 3 months so I may just get it done. :P Well my summer thing will be super awesome because then I can get a professor for a reference which no offense to Mr. Smith sounds better than a high school biology teacher. But if I get in I can go!!! My dad said we will take out loans galore if I get in because his credit score is back up... that was a sad story he told about having to cut up Platinum American Expresses and Gold Visas... It made the teenage girl in me cry with the anguish of cutting up such wonderful means of money.

Then tomorrow I get to go to Slave Lake with Lincoln. The road trip will be tons of fun but I also get to see Garret. :D I am so excited!!! Plus the concert. I am so psyched. This weekend in general is going to be fun... Then hopefully my car gets fixed today so I can go to Dawson Creek next weekend and visit the little Justin. He is so cute!

Ugh but then there is the predicament with my crush... I thought I was done and over with him... well as much as I could and then he starts like amicably talking to me all the time... Its usually over physics I must admit but sometimes it gets to Social... or toonie tuesday movies... :( Which I worked this week so I couldn't be like "Lets go!" Because I was tempted too but Kayce would kill me if I missed her shift.

This whole no Social thing is nice but I should probably get ready for Chemistry because unit tests cannot be skiped unfortunately. But its the easiest math you will ever do in your life so I'll live.... But excess and limiting reagents are stupid so maybe I won't.

Until the Next Song,
Zoë

Got My Tool Belt On, Just Waiting For The Signal

Feeling A Little: Impatient
Playing A Little: Feeling Small (B-Side) by Marianas Trench
Recommending A Little: Siren's Eye (Hottest lead singer ever. :D)

So close... 23 days now :D I know I know. I should be sad blah blah blah but I'm really excited. Come on a summer to myself. Oh dear... I just realized that this is my last summer. Next year I'll be working like mad to pay for school and then after that the same thing or school. I am never going to have summer ever again. :( But... back to my count down and away from my tears. :D Its going to be so excited. I'm pumped!

Drag me away from these wretched University applications. I don't know what an H1 level is... or H2 or H3... all I got from it was IB. :( I'm no IB so tears. But its kind of cool having to do these applications. Soon I'll be free from this mess of a town. I do enjoy school here sometimes but really nothing is tying me down any more. No more Lincoln.

Ah Lincoln what am I going to do? The internet has made everything so damn impersonal. I'm not worried about losing touch with him I'm just worried about not knowing him. I mean I still talk to my Elementary friends and old Junior High friends but we don't know know each other. Internet/ text me is much different than the real world me. Its easier to express yourself in person. I'm not worried about Lincoln gone next year he can and should go. And is. It is awesome for him and I am happy for him... its after. Who knows what technology will be like then.

We've made all these silly plans for "Uncle" and "Aunt" to our kids but come on everyone makes fun of couples in high school that think they can last forever can a friendship really withstand the test of time and distance? Especially since we both have very different lives planned out. We both don't want anything special, just life. Neither one of us know where we are going to end up and its kind of concerning should we ever not end up near each other. We have lasted 5 going on 6 years with the most unconventional friendship and I don't doubt that we will always keep in touch but the loss of what we have now is what is concerning.

I guess I want to grow up but at the same time I kind of want to stay young and able to do whatever I want. My only responsibility is insurance and work. In the future I'll have a family and everything I've dreamed of. But at the same time I'm kind of comfortable where I am. Its been 17 years in the making now and someday I guess I'll have to unleash myself on the world and put a little work into molding the future generations.

Until the Next Song,
Zoë

(A downer I KNOW!... Go watch Greek. It makes everyone happy. Especially Cappie)