Teaching Blues

Feeling A Little: Nervous
Playing A Little: I'm On A Boat by The Lonely Island
Recommending A Little: Phone Calls From Home

So my father told me that US schools are too expensive and told me to start looking at Canadian schools. And I did. UBC sounds perfect for me. I loved BC. Its one of those places that just made me love Canada. Its the Canada everyone describes. Its beautiful and perfect for me. But now according to my father it is underachieving. Pfft. Its an Canadian Ivy school.

His other problem may be my career choice. I know I have had like 5 million career choices but they are all highly educated posts that basically is my full potential but a teacher is something I have wanted to be since grade 7. It was just never mentioned because the response was always "like a professor?" I love kids to death and probably would be the next octo mom if I didn't think it would be a bitch to manage.

Its just like saying I want to be a teacher out loud really makes me feel less pressure. I don't need 98% in everything and I don't need to pretend I love something to death and could do it for the rest of my life. I love learning about Bio, Latin and Social but I can't see myself doing a career in them. A kindergarten teacher leaps to life like a film in my mind. It forms perfectly around my dreams of a family and my dreams of my future life. I have taught before so I know I love it but now the hard part is convincing people that "smart" Zoe isn't destroying her potential to become a teacher. Actually it might be saving my potential because one day I am just going to burn out and I am pretty sure a low stress job like a teacher would be perfect for me.

I don't want to be her! I wish people would see me past the grades, past the random facts that I remember. I wish people would see the Zoe who loves smiling at kids and running around the house with her step cousin thrown over her shoulder. I wish my facade was a little less elaborate. I just want to be seen less for overachieving Zoe and more for the person who I happen to love to death, the one who is actually going around asking people about socks and sex. :D The one who has an improptu song cashing out at work about how Socks and I are going to be boys together. I just don't want people to assume that I am going to be a doctor, lawyer or whatever. How about I be what I be and what makes me happy.

I think I may have offically given up on England and the US though because I'd miss Canada. As much as I complain about it I love it. The world may seem more exciting but Canada is my home and I think it always be. I can't imagine not being here. Europe has more history, and is more exciting and I might never go back but I think fresh fruit and water are the best things in the world. Nothing compares to my childhood memories of helping my mum pick raspberries to make into raspberry jam. I want my kids to do the same. I want them to have an insane puppy who after a walk races around our big backyard because she is just that weird. I want to have pictures of me and my little ones planting seeds in a garden. I want to be able to take them to a beach and scare them with stories of the Ogopogo. I don't know if I could bear to give that up. I don't know if I could give Canada up.

I love how my husband like never figures into this. I have my perfect proposal (He is going to strip for me and have "will you marry me" painted on his chest) yet I don't have the perfect man figured out. Like I suppose I have my looks preferences and my manditory must love kids but other than that he is faceless, and personalityless (perhaps I should marry one of the guys at my school :P They fit parfait).

Sometimes I remind myself of Blair Waldorf the way I have planned everything out... kay so it changes but everytime it changes the details get more extensive. Like my kids now totally have like me making pregnancy comments about them... and I have never been pregnant... and most likely won't for a while. Whatever being a teacher means at 22 I can totally be out of school and have kids. :D

Until the Next Song,
Zoë