Day Dreams and Childish Practices

Feeling A Little: Proud
Playing A Little: How Will I Know by Hit the Lights
Recommending A Little: Nickasaur!

So I have managed something that I thought would take me a very long time. I have managed to get my life under my control again. I smile and laugh without thoughts tugging them back. I sat in Social class today and DAY DREAMED! Oh god I haven't done that forever. I even practiced a ridiculously childish thing to, I perfected my Zoe Mollard signature. :D It just makes my heart leap that I have calmed down enough to do that.

By giving in to my absurd organizing ways I have managed to make me feel better. I have stopped worrying because I realized that I don't want to leave Canada. I fought it for the longest time but no its my home and I don't think I could love anywhere else. I hate the winters but come on the Okanagon is the only place I ever swell with pride with when people praise it. No way am I staying where I currently live but I miss Armstrong its the place I want to raise my kids in. I miss it like mad and I want to be there. I know I can be there.

I want to travel the world don't get me wrong but I want to come home to airport security that smiles at you and don't like they are going to whip out a huge gun and shoot you. Canada may not be the richest, or most powerful country but its beautiful and I am proud as hell to call it my home and I never want to stop.

My career has changed yet again after reading Handle With Care (read it, its by Jodi Picoult and ends as terribly as My Sister's Keeper but is amazing.), I think I might want to be a obstetrician (probably should learn to spell it first though). Biology intrigues me and I could deliver babies, the stillborns would be a blow but still the miracle of life. Kindergarten teacher though still sounds amazingly like me though because well its not my full potential but you know what why waste my passion for teaching and my love of children because I can get a few 90s. Teachers are damn important and you know what I still remember my kindergarten teacher and learning to read and my alphabet.

I think part of my new amazing attitude is my "love." Who knows if I actually am in love with him but its that feeling you have when you like someone that much. I know I am probably setting myself up for disappointment but I can dream or day dream (sorry I have been so stressed these past few years that the ability for my mind to wander is just a miracle to me). I think another part of my attitude is my new found self confidence. Who cares if I am overweight I think I am pretty (despite the ugh stretch marks, have not admitted that to anyone they embarrass me soooo much). My hair gets compliments and I think that if I feel pretty I am pretty. I don't need a boy to make me feel pretty all I need is me (and I do enjoy being argued with about how I don't dye my hair, seriously I haven't since December but suddenly my roots are like being over looked... ).

Its just this new feeling to just be. Sure I have my stressers but I now get them done and know when they need to be done. If I stay on this roll I'll be fine. Plus I removed SATs (no way am I going to the States), and I am applying to UBC (but not Vancouver like my dad insists... think he wants me raped and murdered). Sure I put grad VP in place but come on its not supposed to be that bad and I can be proud of that fact later in life.

I am pretty sure I am just not a best friend person. Sure I like having one but it seems like several friends suit me better. I have different people I confide different things to and laugh with different people. So I am a huge hypocrite and I think that is my next thing to tackle, along with ripping Ashley Tisdale off my magazine (Cosmo, why!?).

Until the Next Song,
Zoë