Strumming My Ukele

Feeling A Little: Content
Playing A Little: Passion For Publication by Anarbour
Recommending A Little: Flight 409

I think in these past few months I have managed to sort my problems. Stopping comparing myself with everyone around me helped. I have acknowledged that I am never going to be the prettiest or the smartest but I am okay with that. I am happy with who I am. I may not be gorgeous or thin but I am also not the most hideous. :P I am also becoming very content with just learning. I've decided to soak in the knowledge. Nerdy I know... and wrong but I gave up on my grades.

I am not going to be an ivy league graduate of 2014 but you know what I can party in Kelowna instead and know some of my classmates before I go. We never know too, perhaps I'll love Edmonton so much I'll never want to leave. I have been one surprise after another for myself. Its actually thrilling to just take life by the horns and screw the plans. I am smart enough to dig myself out of a hole if I get into trouble. With my preparations in high school I can do whatever I want. So I am keeping my grades good but I stopped stressing about how high I think they need to be.

I actually have totally taken up the violin. Not wonderfully of course... :D Kind of told my sisters Obsessed's playing was me. :P I definitely can barely play my D-scale. Plus I don't have a full violin which I shall get soon. I am attempting with little hope for success to get into orchestra. I think it would be fun and totally unacademic. Plus I have the spares to do with what I want. Spares sound boring and so orchestra would be a nice add. But there is like such a small chance I am not overly optimistic.

Ah and my crush because well I find the need to. I don't know if it will go anywhere other than this blog and the few people I have told and they like immediately forget. He is like the guy that all the girls love so *sigh* little hope for me. I am fine with that though because he is fun to talk to... when he pays attention to the fact I am talking to him. :D Ah I'd make an awful girlfriend though. I don't care about half the crap I am supposed to. Maybe I am a trusting boyfriend or I observe and have seen what works and what doesn't. Being glued at the hip, no; being overbearing and bitchy, no; making out in the halls, just icky. See awful I am not a PDA person, hug, hands maybe but I don't want to makeout in the hall.

Well this is kind of a scattered blog but I was being told to get over myself by Band Geek who because I haven't made her say it this year did just for tradition. :D Ah as much as it would be fun to be Grad VP I think she'd do an okay job at it. Bluck! Speeches tomorrow and I am essentially winging it. Good plans. :D

Until the Next Song,
Zoë

As the Seasons Turn

Feeling A Little: On Top Of The World
Playing A Little: Drop Top by Mercy Mercedes (Schweet guitar solo man.)
Recommending A Little: Hey Monday

Its amazing how much you can change in a year. Amazing how you can shriek with laughter as you are on MSN talking about your previous obsession and how you are taunting yourself with it. Astonishing how you can just about give yourself a heart attack when you remember a current favourite band just put out a new single, a band you never knew about just a year ago. The wonder goes to friends though. It is amazing that year after year you are left with the handful you managed to snag on the way. The ones you thought would last forever came and went but those few that even after estrangements managed to worm their way back.

Instead has to be the one that stands out and I must say one day I'll have to buy him a house or something for everything he has done for me. Seriously I am pretty sure that a fair bit of my new self confidence goes to him. Maybe I'll buy him a non sticky truck. Just to torture him too... he hates and loves me buying him junk. Him and I have been on again off again. We have managed to grow up and stop that. I am sure we are soul mates and unfortunately both of us have that certain thing that turns the other off, his obviously being that I don't have a cock. I really don't know how well we'll last with being seperated. Truth be told I am scared. He is like the one person I go out with. I am scared of not having him there when I go through my depressive moments and he just kind of is like okay. I'll miss him to death. I know I moan and bitch about wanting to go to university but truth be told it was always going to be him who I missed the most of my friends, the boy who I bugged until he watched Inuyasha, the boy who tricked me into writing down that I had a crush on him, the boy who brought me back a turtle from hawaii and every time he sees it asks for it back even though it says "To Zoe, From Lincoln" on the back.

I am so scared now. This time next year I'll be buying my grad dress (I don't want to buy it in September), I'll be in the last final kick of my childhood. I get my lisence soon and with that my car. I am hopefully off this summer to be a lacky for a professor, exciting. I am a sort of crossroads when it comes to my career, to be a teacher and do something I love that I am guaranteed to be successful at, or go into another passion of mine, science and have a huge possibility of failing. I've chosen my Canadian university (hope of the world is given up on and well I love Canada with ever fiber of my being) and now I need to choose a career. I crave that growing up and going to university but at the same time I am going to miss being able to on a Friday night watch the whole 5th season of Boston Legal and write a blog.

Until the Next Song,
Zoë